Archive for 2011

Best. Blowjob. Ever.

Hipster #1: Where'd her teeth go?
Hipster #2: On the ground. Perfectly intact.

–Rivington & Forsyth

Overheard by: Nancy


…So You'll Do It on YouTube Again?

Mother to child not sitting still on the train: I will smack the shit out of you in front of everybody!
Child, pausing: Everybody?

–L Train

Overheard by: reid.damnit


O Wednesday One-Liner, Where Art Thou?

Large guy to small Asian woman: So yeah, I guess we're friends. (pause) You slept with my brother! Why did you do that?

–Columbia Campus

Overheard by: sensing repressed hostility

Male voice: My daughter by her and my son by this other woman are only two weeks apart.

–5th Ave & 32nd St

Man on phone: Hi Mark, it's Rocco … Your brother.

–Mercer & Bleecker

College guy: I didn't even know he was my brother until I was 17. He was always at the house, and I just thought he was like this older brother figure. Then I found out he was actually my brother.

–F Train

Overheard by: Bookgirl


Are Your Wednesday One-Liners Sweatshop-Free?

Middle aged gentleman to sales clerk: You're just jealous I can wear iridescent pastels with panache and you can't.

–E 90th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Katharine Relth

Woman to another wearing one-shouldered white rayon blouse with a bow: Yeah, you could wear that to court…

–H&M

Man on cell phone: Well, I'll let you try on my new sunglasses!

–Central Park

Overheard by: I don't wanna know

Woman to man: You know how I feel about natural fibers.

–60th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Sari Krieger

Girl to friend: If you wear those jeans, he will go down on you. (to other friend) Am I right?

–60th b/w Lexington & 3rd Ave


Wednesday One-Liners (And That's No Joke.)

Exasperated girl: You can't even joke about jumping anymore!

–NYU Palladium Residence Hall

Overheard by: Mickey

Teen girl about friend with butter-phobia: And then we got some on a spoon and started trying to touch her with it and she started screaming! Shit, it was so funny! It sounded like she was getting raped.

–Bx16 Bus

Overheard by: Lillian

Thug on cell: Yo, someone just fell down the subway! I know, right, that shit's funny.

–A Train

Man in hat to friends: Yo, I got a headache… I been laughing at people too hard, man.

–1 Train

Overheard by: usually laughs softly


Driving Miss Wednesday One-Liner

Screaming girl on cell: I don't fucking care! So what! Fuck! You are so fucking annoying. (pause) Fine, bye grandma.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Carlito

Loud woman on cell: Now, how did he think he can get with me after he tried to fuck my grandmother!? (pause) Yeah, girl, that's that's what I said! Tried to fuck my grandmother, then come to me expecting me to give it up!

–M2 Bus

Overheard by: Deni

Teenager to lady friend: My great grandmother smokes weed every day, that's just my family.

–Central Park

Man on cell phone: He's a damn liar! He told his own grandmother he was dead!


–20th St & 9th Ave


Overheard by: Doug Tischler


Wednesday One-Liner Can't Buy You Love

Female suit: Well, I'm like, outside money, man!

–7th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Female suit: Money's coming in from every dimension. Shit's coming in from all over!

–20th & Broadway

Guy with bucket drums on phone: The only thing better than pussy is money, and that's why I'm out here playing.

–5th Ave & 37th

Sundress-clad young lady: I just want a shit-ton of money and someone to make all my decisions for me.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: me too


He Who Smelt It, Wednesday One-Linered It!

NYU girl: It smells like someone's asshole just fell out.

–St. Mark's

Girl on cell: You smelled good, but, like… Your armpits smelled like sweat.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to girl: Something smells like shit… I think I forgot to wipe this morning.

–1 Train

Trivia night bar patron to his friends: The thing about Savannah is it's really really hot, but it smells like dog shit.

–Pub, Red Hook

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Woman: It smelled like he had burned a baby's diaper out of his mouth.

–Dempsey's Pub, 2nd Ave & 4th St

Overheard by: Eww.


Ask a Stupid Wednesday, Get a Stupid One-Liner

Student: Guys, who wrote the diary of Anne Frank?

–NYU

Overheard by: Genald

Chick, reading check after birthday dinner: Damn, who ordered the gratuity? That shit was expensive!

–Busy Restaurant, Meatpacking District

Girl to friend: That's Broadway… Isn't that where all the famous people are?

–Chinatown

Girl: Is the g train like the short one? Like a short bus?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Man in Minnesota twins hat at Pride Parade, watching sequined rainbow flag twirlers, cross-dressed pole dancers and flocks of peacocks: Excuse me, can you tell me what parade this is?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Marilyn


Wednesday One-Liners Get “Mom” in a Heart on Their Biceps

Middle aged lady on cell: Yeah, so I just got an awesome new vagina tattoo, want me to come over and show it to you?

–3rd St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Isaac A

Meathead to friend: People see the workas more in da warehouse than in da office, that's why I never got a neck tattoo. Everybody has at least one or two tattoos nowadays, that's why it's not like a baboon anymore.

–LIRR

Overheard by: a taboo?

Hoochie to friend: Is my tramp stamp showing? I don't want to look hoish…

–5th Ave & 23rd St

Thug with arm wrapped in paper towel to friend: I just got a tattoo of my baby mama's lips on my arm. No, not her, the other one. I got two baby mamas. Two hags. Wanna know why I got her lips? Cause I used to live with her. But I had to go. She bit me here, stabbed me here. I had to run from her, and I don't even run from niggas.

–F Train

Five-year-old boy: I wanna get a tattoo on my neck of the number 6 and the number 9!

–196th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Karen