Archive for 2011

Driving Miss Wednesday One-Liner

Screaming girl on cell: I don't fucking care! So what! Fuck! You are so fucking annoying. (pause) Fine, bye grandma.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Carlito

Loud woman on cell: Now, how did he think he can get with me after he tried to fuck my grandmother!? (pause) Yeah, girl, that's that's what I said! Tried to fuck my grandmother, then come to me expecting me to give it up!

–M2 Bus

Overheard by: Deni

Teenager to lady friend: My great grandmother smokes weed every day, that's just my family.

–Central Park

Man on cell phone: He's a damn liar! He told his own grandmother he was dead!

–20th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

He Who Smelt It, Wednesday One-Linered It!

NYU girl: It smells like someone's asshole just fell out.

–St. Mark's

Girl on cell: You smelled good, but, like… Your armpits smelled like sweat.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to girl: Something smells like shit… I think I forgot to wipe this morning.

–1 Train

Trivia night bar patron to his friends: The thing about Savannah is it's really really hot, but it smells like dog shit.

–Pub, Red Hook

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Woman: It smelled like he had burned a baby's diaper out of his mouth.

–Dempsey's Pub, 2nd Ave & 4th St

Overheard by: Eww.

Ask a Stupid Wednesday, Get a Stupid One-Liner

Student: Guys, who wrote the diary of Anne Frank?


Overheard by: Genald

Chick, reading check after birthday dinner: Damn, who ordered the gratuity? That shit was expensive!

–Busy Restaurant, Meatpacking District

Girl to friend: That's Broadway… Isn't that where all the famous people are?


Girl: Is the g train like the short one? Like a short bus?


Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Man in Minnesota twins hat at Pride Parade, watching sequined rainbow flag twirlers, cross-dressed pole dancers and flocks of peacocks: Excuse me, can you tell me what parade this is?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Marilyn

Wednesday One-Liners Get “Mom” in a Heart on Their Biceps

Middle aged lady on cell: Yeah, so I just got an awesome new vagina tattoo, want me to come over and show it to you?

–3rd St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Isaac A

Meathead to friend: People see the workas more in da warehouse than in da office, that's why I never got a neck tattoo. Everybody has at least one or two tattoos nowadays, that's why it's not like a baboon anymore.


Overheard by: a taboo?

Hoochie to friend: Is my tramp stamp showing? I don't want to look hoish…

–5th Ave & 23rd St

Thug with arm wrapped in paper towel to friend: I just got a tattoo of my baby mama's lips on my arm. No, not her, the other one. I got two baby mamas. Two hags. Wanna know why I got her lips? Cause I used to live with her. But I had to go. She bit me here, stabbed me here. I had to run from her, and I don't even run from niggas.

–F Train

Five-year-old boy: I wanna get a tattoo on my neck of the number 6 and the number 9!

–196th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Karen

No Hair, the Musical for the New Century

Latino man #1: Hey man, you don't look like you in your ID.
Latino man #2.: Yeah, that's cause I don't shave in the winter.
(three minutes later)
Latino man #2.
: Yo, I always shave. Everything. I hate hair.

–3 Train

Overheard by: YS

How the Little Red Riding Hood Tale Is Told in Brooklyn

Young slacker: I lost my grandmother today.
Young psychotic friend: Oh, don't worry, she will come back soon, if she has no car.
Young slacker: She's dead, asshole!
Young psychotic friend: Oh. I'm really sorry, it's true.
Young slacker: Don't worry, it was funny.
Young psychotic friend: Okay.


Overheard by: Athanagore Crumb

…Unless You're Prepared to Fight Him

Young child to mother, about irritated customer: Mommy, is that guy a dumb-ass?
Mother: Yes, darling, he is, but that's not a polite thing to say.

–62nd & 1st

Overheard by: Vega