Archive for 2011

Hell Is Other Virtual People

Student #1: We could stop by and say hi to Claire.
Student #2: I'm not saying hi to Claire. I see her every day on Facebook! –St. John's University, Queens

Not to Worry– It's Just a Baby.

Conductor #1, annoyed at doors opening and closing: Anybody else?
(doors to train finally close and train starts to move)
Conductor #2: I think you missed one. –Downtown C Train

I Mean, Look at the Size Of Her!

Four-year-old girl: Mommy, what is that lady doing?
Mom: Her? She loves New York City Restaurant Week.
Four-year-old girl: But why?
Mom: Because she gets great deals on breakfast lunch and dinner all over the city!
Four-year-old girl, thinking it over: Oh. –M79 Bus Stop Overheard by: Michael

You Can Tell by His Salary

Wife walking beside husband, in emphatic voice: He's a puppy killer!
Husband: Yeah, but he's a great quarterback. –Union Square Overheard by: Cayla Summers

They Met through a Matchmaker.

Hipster boy: I chain-smoke when I'm drunk.
Hipster girl: I chain-smoke when I'm awake. –Astor Place Overheard by: Bruce Lee