Archive for 2011

Don't Engage With the Insane, Guys

Strange lady: You're always on my mind.
Teenage guy #1: I don't know.
Strange lady: Elvis Presley! Can you sing?
Teenage guy #1: Not really…
(guy's friend comes out of a store)
Teenage guy #1
: He can.

Strange lady: You're always on my mind. Always on my mind.
Teenage guy #2: What?
Strange lady: Always on my mind. Sing Elvis Presley!
Teenage guy #2: No, he lied to you; I can't sing.
Strange lady: Always on my mind!
Teenage guys: (stunned silence)
Strange lady: Always on my mind…

–5th Ave

…Your Hair Covers Your Horns Beautifully.

Southern tourist woman, drawling heavily: 'Scuse me, so to get to ground zero, I just stay on this train the whole way, right?
JAP: Yes, just go all the way to the end.
Southern tourist woman: Thank you!
JAP: Where are you two from?
Southern tourist man: We're from Mississippi.
JAP: Oh, wow! Have you been here before? Do you like it?
Southern tourist woman: It's great! We've had a lot of fun. I'm a little surprised the city isn't overrun with Jews the way we'd heard it was. We haven't run into any yet, thankfully.
JAP, taken aback: Oh… Uhm, well, I am Jewish.
Southern tourist woman, almost consoling: Oh, well… That's okay.

–E Train

Overheard by: Jewish person

I Mean, That's a Lot Of Fucking Streets

20-something girl to boyfriend, on slightly seedy block at dusk: This is East 187th Street!
Boyfriend: I have no idea what that means.

–187th St & Crescent Ave.

Mel Gibson: ” *sigh Of Relief* “

Woman on cell walking into deli: I'ma spoon her eyes out, like Charlie Sheen.
Man coming out of deli: Charlie Sheen!
Man standing waiting outside deli: Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen!

–40th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Unclaimed

…Which May Vary by State

Girl #1, turning left: This way?
Guy: Your other left.
Girl #2, almost simultaneously: Your other right.

–Mott St