Archive for 2011

A Gentleman Dies at Home, Edward

Ordinary-looking guy #1: You ever died in someone else's house?
Ordinary-looking guy #2: I never died in anyone's house. I'm still alive.

–A Train


Translation: “I Dig You.”

Hipster Caucasian girl: But, his sex is like… so… vanilla… granola… plain yogurt. Mehh-ghh. I'm not into it. I want some cannoli! Or like some… banana split!
Hipster black girl: See! That's why I love you! You like some kinda extinct white girl species up in the museum of natural history!

–L Train


No-Fifty-Cent-Having-Street-Crossing Bitch That She Is

Panhandler: Hey, who wanna give me 50 cents? Anybody got 50 cents? Hey, I love this lady, she look Chinese. Hey, you Chinese?
Lady: (ignores him, crosses street)
Panhandler, muttering: I hate that fucking lady.

–70th & Amsterdam Ave


Or Fired.

Woman: So I heard you've gone to the dark side, and started seeing one of your students.
Man: What? No! Fuck that! She's cute, but I'm not doing shit, not so recently after my girlfriend started acting paranoid. Anyway, all I did was lend her a book.
Woman: What book did you lend?
Man: Good Omens.
Woman, after pause: Boy, you're gonna get burned.

–Mott St

Overheard by: neongensis


Guys Foolishly Believe It's All About Money and Penis Size

Girl to friend: I mean, it's not like I'm asking for a lot!
Friend: Of course you're not!
Girl to friend: All I ask for is that when we go out to karaoke, that he really wants to sing his heart out. All I want is for a man to want to go to karaoke with me every weekend. It's like I'm torturing him or something!
Friend: What!? No! That's ridiculous!

–25th St & 8th Ave


Let Him Speak Up, Then

Woman #1: Shit, I don't care what she thinks about me, only God can judge me!
Woman #2: That's true, but I have a feeling God thinks you're a whore for sleeping with a married man, too.

–7 Train