Archive for 2011

Why I Don't Make Small Talk with Customers: A Parable.

Counter girl: What's that, a tennis shirt? Do you play tennis?
Dude: No.
Counter girl: Poser!
Dude: Well, actually–this will sound a little pretentious, but this shirt is from the tennis academy in the book “Infinite Jest.”

–Bond & Pacific, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz


Who'd Ever Learn Anything Deliberately?

Teen boy to group of teens: C'mon let's go do something!
Teen girl: Yo, we are on a class trip! We are supposed to be seeing the sights and learning stuff, ya know?
Teen boy: Fine! Look, there's the Empire State Building! Now let's go!
Teenage girl: That's the Chrysler Building, stupid!
Teen boy, while group laughs and mocks him: Yeah… Whatever… Who cares?

–42nd St & Madison Ave


Another Dictator Toppled by Joan Rivers' Acid Tongue

Guy #1, looking at a big police truck: What the fuck do they have inside?
Guy #2, laughing: They are hiding Gaddafi.
Guy #1: In the end, he's just a cheesy narcissistic ego-maniac… I can't help but to get him.
Guy #2: He looks like someone who'd be driving a taxi.
Guy #1: What? No! Haven't you seen the two-hour long fashion retrospective on him?

–West Village


Is This a Plug? Discuss.

Man #1: Can you buy me a hotdog? I'm really hungry.
Man #2: Okay.
Man #1: Can you follow me on twitter, @sleepinginjeans?
Man #2: No.

–Times Square


I Find OB/GYNistan Cuisine Both Exciting and Disgusting

Girl: They opened up an Oosbetistan restaurant by my place.
Guy: (blank stare)
Girl: You know, all the “stans”: Oosbetistan, Takaministan, Armenistan… I actually only know a couple of them.

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Renee


Wow, You Really Can Pickle Anything.

Young woman to older man: So, you've found Jesus?
Older man: Well, I never really lost him. I put him away for about twenty years, but I always knew where he was.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: eejay


Hell Is Other Virtual People

Student #1: We could stop by and say hi to Claire.
Student #2: I'm not saying hi to Claire. I see her every day on Facebook!

–St. John's University, Queens


For You? Five Dollars.

Customer: How much is a six-inch?
Counter guy: What kind of meat?
Customer: You know… regular.
Counter guy: What kind?
Customer: Like, a five dollar foot-long?

–Subway, 103 & Broadway


Not to Worry– It's Just a Baby.

Conductor #1, annoyed at doors opening and closing: Anybody else?
(doors to train finally close and train starts to move)
Conductor #2
: I think you missed one.


–Downtown C Train