Archive for 2011

Oh, Like You've Never Acted Crazy After Hitting a J?

Crazy man with orange bandana tucked under baseball cap: Hoooly shit! (pause) Holy shit! Does this train run express?
New Yorker next to him: No, I don't think so.
Crazy man: Oh, oh, okay. Holy shit.
(train arrives at Marcy Ave.)
Crazy man, loudly
: Well, everybody, it looks like I'm getting off here. Gotta get the bus. This subway shit is too slow.

(train pulls out from Marcy Ave and carriage connection door opens, crazy man stands on it yelling incoherently from outside the train)

–J Train

Overheard by: Katherine


Wednesday One-Liners Are a Family Affair

Man screaming on phone: If you got kids and you're not gonna let the uncle know… That ain't right!

–Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Sara

Suit on cell: I punched my daughter in the fucking head yesterday.

–Hudson & Vandam

Overheard by: Alex

Girl to guy: Yeah… My sister's autistic, so we went to Disney World a lot…

–Soho

Overheard by: Benf

Balding overweight preppy player, holding golf clubs: Dude, I had sex with her twin sister and it was by far better than the other one man.

–Meatpacking District


Wednesday One-Liners Are a Big Deal

30-something girl to friend: If I was a betting woman, I'd bet… (pause) Well, I mean I just wouldn't bet. I'm not a betting person.

–77th & Columbus

Angry black woman: I'm blacker than the ace of spades… So play your trump card!

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, at least I can't gamble in Manhattan.

–LaGuardia Airport

Kid crossing the street, aggressively to older brother: Don't verbally poker me!

–5th Ave & 58th St

Overheard by: Tracy


Wednesday Feels Trapped in the Body Of a One-Liner

Panhandler, to the tune of Transformers cartoon theme: Transvestites! Homos in disguise!

–1st Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: MPW

20-something to friend: I just got a sex change, but found out they're all faggots. I'm moving back to Europe.

–101 & Broadway

Overheard by: Tai

20-something female to friend: So you see, her dad's a trans-sexual, so…

–Cooper Square

Short gay guy to tall, raving woman on sidewalk: So you're a man? If you're a man, then hit me!

–8th Ave & 24th St

Overheard by: Graceful Space


Wednesday One-Liners Can't Get No Satisfaction (And They Try)

20-something male office worker to female coworker: We haven't had sex yet, and it's been one month. What is this, the 1920s?

–Bryant Park

Man to friend: I don't need a nanny. But if I did, I'd hire a guy that looked like Mr Belvedere. Ain't nobody sexin' Mr Belvedere.

–6 Train

Seventeen-year-old girl to friend: He doesn't believe in premarital sex and he's a teenage boy. I just want to have lots and lots of sex! (pauses) Oh my god, am I grimy? Am I turning into a slut?

–F Train

Overheard by: Grimy?

Middle aged woman: I am not putting out tonight.

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Airbags


Wednesdong One-Liners

Angry guy on cell: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Pallavi

Guy on phone: I'm going to remove the flesh from your penis and expose the bone.

–Bedford Ave

20-something girl to friend: Isn't this the best thing you've ever had in your mouth? I mean besides a dick…

–Artichoke Pizza, 14th & 1st

Young man, about new-born son: I have never been so excited to see a penis!

–6 Train

Small teenage girl: Why employ three frogs to do what one penis could accomplish?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art


Wednesday Send People One-Liners Of Their Junk

Young woman on cell: And by "photography," he meant "vagina," right?" (laughs)

–Post Office

Overheard by: Pedro

20-something chick in curlers on cell: No, I ain't be having that. I'll just tell her, 'if you send me any pictures of your son again, you will be receiving a punch in the face.'

–Town Drug Pharmacy

Overheard by: Ladle

Facebooking sorority sister: It's not a good picture of him, but it is a very good picture of me.

–25th & 6th

Overheard by: Shan

Tourist woman to other tourists, pointing at random building: I guess we could take a picture of that?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle


Who's Afraid Of Wednesday One-Liner?

Young black girl: I hate it when momma tries to scare the white ladies on the train.

–F Train

Bag lady, yelling: Ladies and gentlemen, the 6 train ain't running because I scared the engineer! I said "boo!" and he went "ah!" and the train stopped running."

–6 Train

Overheard by: that explains it

Guy to friends: Do I look like someone who would be afraid to tell you to fuck off?

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: chang

Drug addict, unprovoked, to meek, bespectacled dude with cello case: You think I'm scared of you?

–Union Square Park