Archive for 2011

When Outsourcing Gets Out Of Control.

Very drunk, super-hot blonde, on phone: Like, I don't know… It's this weird thing my boyfriend keeps saying. I don't get it… Wait, let me ask this guy right here… (to 20-something man standing next to her) Would you fuck me with someone else's dick?
Man: What's wrong with my own?
Very drunk, super-hot blonde: Yeah, I know, right!?

–Union Square


Although Having to See Blind People Is Pretty Bad

Girl: I just hate the subway, it's so dirty!
Guy: I know. And today, there were these twelve deaf kids on the subway with me, and I had to listen to them making those annoying noises all the way to 52nd st.
Girl: Oh my god, that's the worst!

–Wagner College Shuttle


Better Than a Dying Giraffe, Am I Right?

11-year-old boy #1: I know I sound like your mother, but don't run with that thing in your mouth.
11-year-old boy #2: You don't. My mother sounds like a dead goose.

–West Village


This Kid Grown Up

Mother: Stop running! Do you want to get hit by a car?
Small boy: Yes! Yaaaay!

–Waverly & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Anna


Save It for Your Next Tea Party Get-together

White-collar cop to massive crowd, through megaphone: Please clear the sidewalk so people can pass! Please clear the church entrance so people can utilize!
Blue-collar cop, under breath: Just shut the fuck up, man.

–Occupy Wall Street

Overheard by: Hunter Freyer


Nobody on Their Deathbed Ever Says, “I Regret Everything!”

Girl on cell: Why can't I just do nothing for a year? There are some people who spend their whole lives doing nothing. (pause) I don't know. People. They just… they just do nothing with their life. There are lots of them. I just want to do it for one year. (pause) Why can't you just be rich? (pause) Well, like Bill Gates rich. Really fucking wealthy. Bill Gates's children don't have to work, after he dies they can just do nothing. (pause) But they could. If they wanted to…

–115th St & Broadway