Archive for 2011

There Are So Many Holes in That Plan!

Drunk girl: I want coffee…I'm going here… (begins to stumble into Dunkin' Donuts)
Drunk groups of friends in unison: Noooo. Noooo. Noooo. Noooo. Noooo. Noooo.

–3rd Ave & 33rd St.


That's Cold.

Drunk guy: Whooo! It's cold, ladies!
Not drunk girl: Whoo. You're drunk, mister.

–El Sombrero, Stanton & Essex


Different Noodles, Honey

Little tourist kid, waving arms: Chinatown! Chinatown!
Tourist mom, looking at map: No, no, this is Little Italy.
Little tourist kid: Chinatown! Chinatown!

–Mulberry & Kenmare


To Be Dumb Is Bad; to Be Shellfish Is Worse

Dumb blonde #1: What do they even have in Boston, anyway?
Dumb blonde #2: I don't know, like chowder, or lobster…
Dumb blonde #1: Nuh-uh, you're so stupid. The best lobster is totally in Nashville. I know cuz I've had it.

–Equitable Building, 120 Broadway


We're Not, Dear Reader

Gay kid: And Sarah asked her boyfriend Zak if he wanted to have a threesome with Nick and…
Hobo, interrupting: Yes!
Fag hag: Jesus!
Gay kid: We're pretending that didn't happen.

–Times Square


In Case You Don't Quite Catch Their Drift

Teenage boy #1: You know why you're so ugly? It's because you drink milk.
Teenage girl: Naw, I don't drink no milk. I eat it with my cereal.
Teenage boy #2: You drink milk, it gonna make you ugly.
Very pretty teenage girl: That ain't true. I drink milk.
Teenage boy #1: I bet you do, girl! I just bet you can drink milk real good!
(teenage boy #2 whistles and both laugh)

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny


Ugh, Save That Shit for Kings County.

Guy, imitating Middle East accent, to girlfriend: My queen, I'd like to buy this statue. I'm gonna put it down and place a statue of my father.
Girlfriend: Yes my king, let's use our American Express Black.

–Statue of Liberty

Overheard by: Mike


That'll Be Fifteen Dollars.

Hippie, counting his cash: How much for a Jack & Coke?
Bartender: Ten dollars.
Hippie: Can I have a Bud Light?

–Bluegrass Concert, Nokia Theater