Archive for 2011

Ever See Jacob's Ladder, Suzie?

Man: Are you tripping on acid?
Girl: Yes.
Man: You should not be on the subway.

–F Train


Someone's a Little Ho Ho Ho.

Man: I hope Santa come down your chimney!
Woman: I don't want him to come down a chimney. I want him to walk through the front door so I can get some fuckin head!

–McDonald's, The Village

Overheard by: Sam Williams


There Are So Many Holes in That Plan!

Drunk girl: I want coffee…I'm going here… (begins to stumble into Dunkin' Donuts)
Drunk groups of friends in unison: Noooo. Noooo. Noooo. Noooo. Noooo. Noooo.

–3rd Ave & 33rd St.


That's Cold.

Drunk guy: Whooo! It's cold, ladies!
Not drunk girl: Whoo. You're drunk, mister.

–El Sombrero, Stanton & Essex


Different Noodles, Honey

Little tourist kid, waving arms: Chinatown! Chinatown!
Tourist mom, looking at map: No, no, this is Little Italy.
Little tourist kid: Chinatown! Chinatown!

–Mulberry & Kenmare


To Be Dumb Is Bad; to Be Shellfish Is Worse

Dumb blonde #1: What do they even have in Boston, anyway?
Dumb blonde #2: I don't know, like chowder, or lobster…
Dumb blonde #1: Nuh-uh, you're so stupid. The best lobster is totally in Nashville. I know cuz I've had it.

–Equitable Building, 120 Broadway


We're Not, Dear Reader

Gay kid: And Sarah asked her boyfriend Zak if he wanted to have a threesome with Nick and…
Hobo, interrupting: Yes!
Fag hag: Jesus!
Gay kid: We're pretending that didn't happen.

–Times Square