Archive for 2011

They Met through a Matchmaker.

Hipster boy: I chain-smoke when I'm drunk.
Hipster girl: I chain-smoke when I'm awake.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Amy's Bipolar-Curious

Girl, approaching police officer: Is this street blocked off too? Can I go through here?
Cop: Yes and no, you can't.
Girl: Are you fucking kidding me?! You motherfuckers! This is ridiculous! Fuck you, guys!
(stares at cop and runs, comes back, five minutes later)
Girl to cop
: So, uh, is the 1 uptown running?

(cop nods)
Girl, sweetly
: Okay, well, thank you! (under breath) Assholes. (looks back and runs downstairs laughing)


The Gen Xers' Farrah Fawcett Poster Boy

Canvasser, yelling to another: I'm sleeping with Matt Damon.
Passerby, to friend: Did you hear that? He's sleeping with Matt Damon.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Donna

…As Is Our Typical Default Plan.

Young kid #1 in group: Man, can't believe they confiscated my fake ID at that bar.
Young kid #2 in group: Let's just buy a bong and head back to the apartment.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gooch

We Can't Get a Read on These Wednesday One-Liners

Tremendously shocked and exasperated preteen girl: Mom, you can't just pick up books willy-nilly!

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: No, I'm Pretty Sure You Can

Jehovah's witness to another: Yes, we can read, but the bible are difficult…

–Fordham Road & Tiebout Ave

Girl to another: I'd give up shopping before I ever read a book.

–34th St & 29th Ave, Astoria

Teenager in library on cell: We're in the book section.

–Brooklyn Public Library

Every Tom, Wednesday One-Liner, and Harry

Hot girl to male friend: Do you want to go by Yves Saint Laurent and see the dress I would suck a thousand dicks for?

–57th St & Madison Ave

Guy to friend: Pop a couple, that shit'll get ya dick up!

–Broadway & 36th St

Overheard by: Mikhail

Crazy man yelling in station to cops: Do you got two dicks and one ball? Cuz I got one dick and two balls!

–6 Train

Guy shouting into cell: Fuck! Now my dick's gonna be stuck to the wrapper!

–West Village

What Not to Wednesday One-Liner

Middle aged JAP, speedwalking: I'm either going to buy a hat or apply for a job!

–57th & 6th

Overheard by: Miss Shush

Black man in dreads wearing a suit: You know how they say terrorists wear Casio watches? I guess that makes me the accountant for Al Qaeda.

–Central Park

Clueless woman, on Philip Treacy hat: It's for a lamp! Yeah, it's a lampshade!

–Alexander McQueen Exhibit, Costume Institute

Younger man on cell: Fuck t-shirts!

–W. Square Park