Archive for 2011

You Can Tell by His Salary

Wife walking beside husband, in emphatic voice: He's a puppy killer!
Husband: Yeah, but he's a great quarterback.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Cayla Summers

Very Well Then, Ma'am. Carry On.

Police officer: You need to move! Let's go!
Girl in uber-slutty costume: But I'm druuuunk…

–Village Halloween Parade

Overheard by: Cailin

They Met through a Matchmaker.

Hipster boy: I chain-smoke when I'm drunk.
Hipster girl: I chain-smoke when I'm awake.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Amy's Bipolar-Curious

Girl, approaching police officer: Is this street blocked off too? Can I go through here?
Cop: Yes and no, you can't.
Girl: Are you fucking kidding me?! You motherfuckers! This is ridiculous! Fuck you, guys!
(stares at cop and runs, comes back, five minutes later)
Girl to cop
: So, uh, is the 1 uptown running?

(cop nods)
Girl, sweetly
: Okay, well, thank you! (under breath) Assholes. (looks back and runs downstairs laughing)


The Gen Xers' Farrah Fawcett Poster Boy

Canvasser, yelling to another: I'm sleeping with Matt Damon.
Passerby, to friend: Did you hear that? He's sleeping with Matt Damon.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Donna

…As Is Our Typical Default Plan.

Young kid #1 in group: Man, can't believe they confiscated my fake ID at that bar.
Young kid #2 in group: Let's just buy a bong and head back to the apartment.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gooch

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Wednesday One-Linerest Of Them All?

Woman: I have a very strong connection with myself.

–Central Park West

Tall, thin, good-looking stylish black man, mumbling: I'm almost perfect.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Overheard by: Kitty O'Brien

Desperate hipster wannabe wearing bandana headband: Shit, man, we're like important people!

–Union Square

Nerdy-looking little boy to father: I look at myself. I think I'm hot.

–Norman & Newel St.

Overheard by: Amused Passerby