Archive for 2011

Very Well Then, Ma'am. Carry On.

Police officer: You need to move! Let's go!
Girl in uber-slutty costume: But I'm druuuunk…

–Village Halloween Parade

Overheard by: Cailin

They Met through a Matchmaker.

Hipster boy: I chain-smoke when I'm drunk.
Hipster girl: I chain-smoke when I'm awake.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Amy's Bipolar-Curious

Girl, approaching police officer: Is this street blocked off too? Can I go through here?
Cop: Yes and no, you can't.
Girl: Are you fucking kidding me?! You motherfuckers! This is ridiculous! Fuck you, guys!
(stares at cop and runs, comes back, five minutes later)
Girl to cop
: So, uh, is the 1 uptown running?

(cop nods)
Girl, sweetly
: Okay, well, thank you! (under breath) Assholes. (looks back and runs downstairs laughing)


The Gen Xers' Farrah Fawcett Poster Boy

Canvasser, yelling to another: I'm sleeping with Matt Damon.
Passerby, to friend: Did you hear that? He's sleeping with Matt Damon.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Donna

…As Is Our Typical Default Plan.

Young kid #1 in group: Man, can't believe they confiscated my fake ID at that bar.
Young kid #2 in group: Let's just buy a bong and head back to the apartment.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gooch

If I Said You Had a Wednesday One-Liner, Would You Hold It Against Me?

Chick on cell: And he had a tiny little body and a tiny little head, and I was just like, "um, no."

–Equinox Gym, Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle

Security guard, talking about senior citizens: If they sit around the house all day because they actually can't use their legs, it's fine. But if they can still use their legs and get around, but choose to stay at home, that's no good. No good.

–Museum of Chinese in America

Bar patron to bartender: If you give me a free shot, I'll rub your feet.

–Greenwood Heights

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to friend: Well you know, it hurts at first… but then it expands. (opens cleched fist with a larger hole) And then it feels like you have a tail!

–Subway Coney Island

Overheard by: Torgrim

We Can't Get a Read on These Wednesday One-Liners

Tremendously shocked and exasperated preteen girl: Mom, you can't just pick up books willy-nilly!

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: No, I'm Pretty Sure You Can

Jehovah's witness to another: Yes, we can read, but the bible are difficult…

–Fordham Road & Tiebout Ave

Girl to another: I'd give up shopping before I ever read a book.

–34th St & 29th Ave, Astoria

Teenager in library on cell: We're in the book section.

–Brooklyn Public Library