Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying. –4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: olivejuice Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: Lucian Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry. –Cobble Hill Overheard by: MJB Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you! –Staten Island Ferry Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying. –Bowery & 2nd

Walt Whitman's Leaves Of Wednesday One-Liners

Man to woman: I's seen Kansas, man. All it is all sunflowers and sons of bitches. –Near Delancey & Essex Park employee, shouting to crowd: The bathrooms are closing in 30 minutes! If you gotta go, go now! (pause) The trees? They stay open all night! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Anne McDermott Drunk guy: I feel like a million miles of dead roses. –1 Train Father to three-year-old son, looking at flowers: Look at all the heroin poppies, Sammy! –Verdi Square Mom to baby eating grass: No, sweetie, we don't eat grass. We smoke it. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Natalya & Mickey

Wednesday One-Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise. –PATH Train Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!" –4th & 10th Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine. –E 11th St Overheard by: j Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"! –Bedford & 6th St Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia. –Borders, Wall St Overheard by: step Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri! –Outside Barrymore Theatre Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

We’re Losing the War on Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: It’s not a methadone program! You’re on methadone the whole time while you’re in there, but it’s not a methadone program! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: PNY Frat boy: It’s liquid cocaine, and it’s going to be legal for at least another year! –Lion’s Head Bar, 108th & Amsterdam Dude: You just spray it and then snort it… –33 W 19th Street Overheard by: Uh, I never did it like that.. Man on cell: Man, you’re always high! Remember that construction job? No, of course you don’t — ’cause you were high! –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Isaiah Tanenbaum Lead singer: I sweat coke at Bikram Yoga. –Crash Mansion Queer on cell: And the one thing I should’ve been buying myself — drugs — he was buying for me. –23rd & 7th Overheard by: MR Attorney on phone: She may smoke pot, but she’s absolutely responsible! –Midtown East Overheard by: Opie

Wednesday One-Liners Take Up Hobbies

Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men. –Burritoville, 77th & 2nd Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club? –47th & Madison Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Phil

After She Retired from Cosby, Stills, and Nash

Middle aged woman #1: I saw that woman of The Cosby Show near Wall Street yesterday.
Middle aged woman #2: Wow, you did not! Which one?
Middle aged woman #1: Whoopi Goldberg–the one that was married to Bill Cosby in the show!
Middle aged woman #2: Oh yeah, I remember her. I think she changed her name to Whoopi Cosby now. –A Train Overheard by: Dora Olafsson