We Will Now Begin the Sing-Along Portion Of Our Flight

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to welcome you aboard JetBlue flight 1024 with nonstop service to Boston. Before we depart, I would like to take the time and make sure that everyone is on the right flight — we don’t want people finding out that they’re going to the wrong city after we shut the cabin doors. Is everyone here going to Boston? [Silence.] I said, is everyone here going to Boston?
Passengers: Yes!
Flight attendant: Thank you. You have to answer me, people!

–JetBlue flight, JFK

So Now I Only Date Married Guys

NYU girl: So, how did your date go with Hank?
NYU girl #2: You know how most girls, when they meet a guy they really like, start thinking about marriage, a picket fence, and having two kids? Well, when I meet a guy I like, I think about how we’ll start dating, he’ll cheat on me, and we’ll break up. Then I’ll have wasted two years of my life.

–NYU Library

Projectile Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Barf between the cars, asshole!

–PATH train

Girl on phone: Well… We can cuddle, and then I’ll be like, ‘Get off!’ and then I’ll puke, okay?

–JJ’s Place, Columbia University

Overheard by: Rachel Lindsay

Girlfriend pushing drunken boyfriend through crowd, to bystander: Work with me here, baby — he’s throwing up all over you, and you’re still not moving.

–Rained-out Game Two, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Alison Steedman & Jeff Gilbert

Woman: There’s no better time to scream your boyfriend’s name than when you’re puking all over his bed.

–Party, 16th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: McFreaky

Little girl: 50 dollars. But if you vomit, it’s free!

–76th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Rachel

Lady with accent pointing at man hunched over seat: Oh, is he throw up?

–4 train

Overheard by: fellow rider who also didn’t sit

Little boy to baby brother: Stop throwing up on me!

–3rd Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Cromulent Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls. –Hunter College Overheard by: H. Chan Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.” –Port Authority Overheard by: Fernando Taveras Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. –J train