Says the Boy Who Was in a Bondage Video with Kobe Bryant!

Chick: So, Jerry Springer was in my office today, and I overheard him telling the guy he was talking to on the phone that I was attractive.
Queer: Wow. I hate you. In the best way possible. I hate you.
Chick: Why? Because he’s my new boyfriend?
Queer: Because one of the coolest sketchy famous people in the world called you attractive in a remarkably sketchy way. If I ever have to talk you off a self-esteem ledge again, I’m tagging out and killing myself.

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Gays and their Hags, on the next Springer!

Another Year Older and None the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!

–45th St

Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Vincent L.

Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.

–23rd & 3rd

Much Like the Classic Comedy Routine Who's Stabbed First?

Fancy girl #1: Did I tell you about the guy that got jumped last week in Midtown?
Fancy girl #2: No.
Fancy girl #1: Well, he was walking down the street alone and this, like, thug guy came up to him with a knife and was like “give me your money” and started to like, wail on him.
Fancy girl #2: Oh my gosh, was he okay?
Fancy girl #1: Well… The guy that was in the process of being jumped turned out to be like some hardcore MMA fighter and ended up pulling some moves on him and turning the knife on the guy who tried to jump him! (pause) I think he even stabbed him in the leg with his own knife. I think so. (looks at phone) Yeah, he definitely did. Isn't that funny?
Fancy girl #2: Yeah, that's so crazy! (laughs)

–Q Train