Life Imitates… Art?

Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.”

–High Street Train Station

Wednesday-One-Liners Get a Pacific Rim Job

Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!

–4 train

Overheard by: LP


Cultured concert connoisseur
: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.


–Webster Hall

Overheard by: ak


Hipster, sitting next to Asian women
: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!


–R train, Canal St

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick


Hipster chick
: Asians eat the darndest things.


–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Lesley


Asian fag hag
: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!


–West Village

Overheard by: megan


Asian woman suit
: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.


–Wall St & Nassau


Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl
: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!


–44th St & Lex

Overheard by: Made my morning


Wednesday One-Liners, Have You Called Jenny Yet?

Drunk baseball fan: My friend — he’s a fat fuck! I’m gonna call him and tell him how fat he is!

–LIRR to Shea Stadium

Fat lady to tiny lady: Move your fat ass!

–Manhattan-bound 6 train

Overheard by: Dr. Seuss Tat

15-year-old fattie: If it wasn’t for my huge boobs, I would just look fat.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Andy

Recent high school grad: She put on a lot of weight. Doesn’t she look fat in this picture? [Friend just stares.] It’s her eyes.

–Queens Blvd

Queer on cell: Well, there’s cute-chubby and hopeless-chubby… No, I’m not gonna tell you which one you are!

–88th & Amsterdam

Loud fat lady, during silence after curtain fall: Ew, that’s gross! Eat that…

–NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Evan

Shall We Consult Our Biology Textbooks?

Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.

–Governor's Island

Overheard by: Kevin

The Teacher Wanted to Make It Clear That the Correct Word is ‘Faggot’

8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.

–Corona, Queens

Overheard by: Amy