Archive for January, 2012

Aaaaand That's a Wrap.

Guy in van: If you don't move that scooter, I'm gonna shove it up your ass!
Scooter guy: My scooter!?
Guy in van: No, that goddamn sandwich!
Scooter guy: But this is a burrito… –Kenmare & Mott Overheard by: FJ Murray

Dude, That Reference Is So 2005.

Student: That skeleton is a quadruped and those other two are bipeds.
Scientist/tour guide: Excellent! Ten points for Gryffindor! –American Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Anastasia

Sometimes Courtship Isn't Even Worth It.

Man in middle of midlife crisis, trying to look “world weary” but still sexy: Wow, you've seen The Big Lebowski?
Late teen, whose relationship to this man is disturbingly unclear: Oh yeah. All my friends told me I had to see it.
Man: That's a classic. If you want to be an actress, watch a Coen brothers movie, they are so good.
Late teen: Oh yeah? What else have they done?
Man, after five-second pause: Um, I don't know off-hand.
Late teen, continuing without a hitch: Well, I love horror movies. I've seen all of the Saw movies. And I've read all of the CSI books.
Man: If you like horror and crime scenes, maybe you should become a forensic scientist.
Late teen: Yeah, like I've always admired biology research.
Man: Weren't you thinking of studying dentistry?
Late teen: Yeah. But I don't like kids. Plus, I want to see a live heart and feel it pumping in my hand, you know? And I saw a cadaver once. At Columbia Presbyterian. My dad showed it to me.
Man, quickly: Wow.
Late teen: Yeah, I also like, you know, collecting stuff. I have a huge cigar collection.
Man, listening more attentively: Really? Can I see…
Late teen, interrupting: Well, it's my dad's collection. But I also have thousands of baseball cards. And stamps.
Man, annoyed that the cigar topic has taken a back seat: How did you get so many baseball cards?
Late teen: I've been collecting them, since I was young. Oh, and I just got the Simpsons stamps. They are so awesome!
Man: Yeah… –Starbucks

Brooklynites Fear Queens, and Rightly So

Indian guy #1: Look! Awww, yeah! This is the a train to Lefferts, come on!
Indian guy #2: Cool, let's go.
Indian guy #1: That woman saved our life, bro! If we had stayed on that other train we would have ended up in far Rockaway, gettin' robbed and raped and shit!
Indian guy #2: Fuck that! –Rockaway Blvd Station, Queens Overheard by: Juan Chung

But, Dude, I Think I'm in Lobe!

Southern black man #1: I'm going to skull fuck her.
Southern black man #2: You can't do that.
Southern black man #1: Why not?
Southern black man #2: First of all, it's unhealthy. I mean, why would you want to stick your dick in her ear?! You never know what you might catch! –5th Ave & 35th St Overheard by: Arturo Tedesco

Before the Ice Age Thawed

Hipster chick #1: When did you guys meet?
Hipster chick #2: A long time, like? forever ago. I mean, we first met on MySpace. –Henry & Montgomery Overheard by: Mick Lexington

Sometimes a Katie, If We Get Sloppy.

Bouncer: What was your name again?
Girl #1: Caitlyn.
Bouncer: And your name?
Girl #2: Also caitlyn.
Bouncer: Really? And you're friends? No shit!
Girl at the door: No, it's cool. My name is Kate and I only run with other Kates. –The Living Room, 154 Ludlow St Overheard by: Another Kate at the bar

Here's Urban Dictionary to Explain…

Columbia dude #1: And so a “chav” is, like, they wear sweatpants and chains?
Columbia dude #2: I think it's like, the fat middle-aged woman with big hair, and a lower-class accent, who hits your car.
Ransom dude next to them: Excuse me, what the fuck is a “lower-class” accent?
Columbia dude #2: I just… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone.
Random dude: “Lower-class”? So, what, you're a higher class?
Columbia dude #2: Well, no, I'm American…
Random dude: Oh, that's nice, you're American. So what the fuck is a lower-class accent?
Columbia dude #1: Look, maybe you just need to know English history.
Random dude: Oh, I do know. I do. Maybe you just need to shut up! Shut up! –1 Train Overheard by: judydarkness