Archive for January, 2012

Aaaaand That's a Wrap.

Guy in van: If you don't move that scooter, I'm gonna shove it up your ass!
Scooter guy: My scooter!?
Guy in van: No, that goddamn sandwich!
Scooter guy: But this is a burrito…

–Kenmare & Mott

Overheard by: FJ Murray

Hey, I Totally Drank the Kool-Aid

Hassidic kid at hardware store: What are chemicals?
Hassidic mom: Shut up.
Hassidic kid: What are chemicals?
Hassidic mom: Chemicals are chemicals.
Hassidic kid: But what are chemicals? 
Hassidic mom: Just die!


Overheard by: Tiff

Dude, That Reference Is So 2005.

Student: That skeleton is a quadruped and those other two are bipeds.
Scientist/tour guide: Excellent! Ten points for Gryffindor!

–American Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Anastasia

Sometimes Courtship Isn't Even Worth It.

Man in middle of midlife crisis, trying to look “world weary” but still sexy: Wow, you've seen The Big Lebowski?
Late teen, whose relationship to this man is disturbingly unclear: Oh yeah. All my friends told me I had to see it.
Man: That's a classic. If you want to be an actress, watch a Coen brothers movie, they are so good.
Late teen: Oh yeah? What else have they done?
Man, after five-second pause: Um, I don't know off-hand.
Late teen, continuing without a hitch: Well, I love horror movies. I've seen all of the Saw movies. And I've read all of the CSI books.
Man: If you like horror and crime scenes, maybe you should become a forensic scientist.
Late teen: Yeah, like I've always admired biology research.
Man: Weren't you thinking of studying dentistry?
Late teen: Yeah. But I don't like kids. Plus, I want to see a live heart and feel it pumping in my hand, you know? And I saw a cadaver once. At Columbia Presbyterian. My dad showed it to me.
Man, quickly: Wow.
Late teen: Yeah, I also like, you know, collecting stuff. I have a huge cigar collection.
Man, listening more attentively: Really? Can I see…
Late teen, interrupting: Well, it's my dad's collection. But I also have thousands of baseball cards. And stamps.
Man, annoyed that the cigar topic has taken a back seat: How did you get so many baseball cards?
Late teen: I've been collecting them, since I was young. Oh, and I just got the Simpsons stamps. They are so awesome!
Man: Yeah…


Brooklynites Fear Queens, and Rightly So

Indian guy #1: Look! Awww, yeah! This is the a train to Lefferts, come on!
Indian guy #2: Cool, let's go.
Indian guy #1: That woman saved our life, bro! If we had stayed on that other train we would have ended up in far Rockaway, gettin' robbed and raped and shit!
Indian guy #2: Fuck that!

–Rockaway Blvd Station, Queens

Overheard by: Juan Chung

But, Dude, I Think I'm in Lobe!

Southern black man #1: I'm going to skull fuck her.
Southern black man #2: You can't do that.
Southern black man #1: Why not?
Southern black man #2: First of all, it's unhealthy. I mean, why would you want to stick your dick in her ear?! You never know what you might catch!

–5th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Arturo Tedesco

Before the Ice Age Thawed

Hipster chick #1: When did you guys meet?
Hipster chick #2: A long time, like? forever ago. I mean, we first met on MySpace.

–Henry & Montgomery

Overheard by: Mick Lexington

Sometimes a Katie, If We Get Sloppy.

Bouncer: What was your name again?
Girl #1: Caitlyn.
Bouncer: And your name?
Girl #2: Also caitlyn.
Bouncer: Really? And you're friends? No shit!
Girl at the door: No, it's cool. My name is Kate and I only run with other Kates.

–The Living Room, 154 Ludlow St

Overheard by: Another Kate at the bar