Archive for January, 2012

Here's Urban Dictionary to Explain…

Columbia dude #1: And so a “chav” is, like, they wear sweatpants and chains?
Columbia dude #2: I think it's like, the fat middle-aged woman with big hair, and a lower-class accent, who hits your car.
Ransom dude next to them: Excuse me, what the fuck is a “lower-class” accent?
Columbia dude #2: I just… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone.
Random dude: “Lower-class”? So, what, you're a higher class?
Columbia dude #2: Well, no, I'm American…
Random dude: Oh, that's nice, you're American. So what the fuck is a lower-class accent?
Columbia dude #1: Look, maybe you just need to know English history.
Random dude: Oh, I do know. I do. Maybe you just need to shut up! Shut up!

–1 Train

Overheard by: judydarkness

Ooo, Total and Udder Domination?

Student #1: So dude, totally we should all become vegetarians. That will totally solve the world hunger problem.
Student #2: But then the cows will take over the world!

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Honors Don't Mean You're Smart

No, It's a Pill

Middle-aged woman #1, in complete monotone: I hate America. I wish I never moved here from Europe. I hate it here. Moving here has ruined my life. Doctors are giving me drugs I don't need. They are handing out little pink pain killers like their patients can't think for themselves. I hate America.
Middle-aged woman #2: (silence)
Middle-aged woman #1: Is that an iPhone?

–Starbucks, 91st & 3rd

The Spy Who Cleaned Up After Me

Female suit: It was based on…
Male suit: James Bond!?
Female suit: No. The Odd Couple.

–Financial District

Overheard by: Soo close

…And We Stole It from Denny's.

Thug: Shorty, I think my ma's on the rock again.
Thugette: Why you say that?
Thug: I was eating ma chex yesterday, and I asked her for the spoon and…
Thugette: The spoon, my nigga? Like the spoon for cooking dope?
Thug: Nah, nah. Our spoon.
Thugette: Oh, you mean a spoon.
Thug: Nah, shorty, the spoon. We only got one.

–23rd & 5th

Probably All That Rusticating

Bleached blonde Asian girl: My roommate is from Indiana and told me these stories about people, like this one girl who had to have sex with her stepdad for, like, 12 years.
Date: Oh my god, they are so stupid! I swear, the further away you get from the two oceans the stupider people get.
Bleached blonde Asian girl: I know! Like, if something like happened in New York, you know, you neighbors would hear because all the apartments are attached, not far apart and isolated like it is there. They are so stupid!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Midwest Asian-Girl East Coast Transplant