Southern black man #1: I'm going to skull fuck her.
Southern black man #2: You can't do that.
Southern black man #1: Why not?
Southern black man #2: First of all, it's unhealthy. I mean, why would you want to stick your dick in her ear?! You never know what you might catch!
–5th Ave & 35th St
Overheard by: Arturo Tedesco
Archive for January, 2012
To Be Fair, Everything from Urban Outfitters Gets a Hole After the First Wearing.
Girl #1: You couldn't tell that he was flirting with you?
Girl #2: No! There was no way he was flirting with me! He knows that I don't like him like that.
Girl #1: Well then you don't know how to flirt, my dear friend.
Girl #2: What?! I'm wearing tights with fucking holes in them, of course I know how to flirt!
–Urban Outfitters, Upper West Side
The Blue-Collar Gay Romcom We've All Been Waiting For
Construction worker #1: No fuckin' way! Are you fuckin' with me?
Construction worker #2: I'm totally fuckin' with you.
Construction worker #1: Fuck you, you fuckin' fuck!
Construction worker #2: Wanna get breakfast?
–3rd Ave & 8th St
Are the Eighties Starting to Spoil in the Heat?
Guy: I never understood what that song “Stand” by REM was about.
Girl: Ugh! Who cares!? Their songs make me feel like mayonnaise!
Guy: What?
–L Train
Overheard by: packrat
Before the Ice Age Thawed
Hipster chick #1: When did you guys meet?
Hipster chick #2: A long time, like? forever ago. I mean, we first met on MySpace.
–Henry & Montgomery
Overheard by: Mick Lexington
Sometimes a Katie, If We Get Sloppy.
Bouncer: What was your name again?
Girl #1: Caitlyn.
Bouncer: And your name?
Girl #2: Also caitlyn.
Bouncer: Really? And you're friends? No shit!
Girl at the door: No, it's cool. My name is Kate and I only run with other Kates.
–The Living Room, 154 Ludlow St
Overheard by: Another Kate at the bar
Here's Urban Dictionary to Explain…
Columbia dude #1: And so a “chav” is, like, they wear sweatpants and chains?
Columbia dude #2: I think it's like, the fat middle-aged woman with big hair, and a lower-class accent, who hits your car.
Ransom dude next to them: Excuse me, what the fuck is a “lower-class” accent?
Columbia dude #2: I just… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone.
Random dude: “Lower-class”? So, what, you're a higher class?
Columbia dude #2: Well, no, I'm American…
Random dude: Oh, that's nice, you're American. So what the fuck is a lower-class accent?
Columbia dude #1: Look, maybe you just need to know English history.
Random dude: Oh, I do know. I do. Maybe you just need to shut up! Shut up!
–1 Train
Overheard by: judydarkness
TGIGF: Thank God It's Good Friday
Woman #1: Ain't it amazin' that the baby Jesus was born right on Christmas?
Woman #2: Puh-raaaaaaaaaise be!
–A Train
Has Senator McCain Still Not Located All His Houses?
Teen girl #1: Where is Detroit though?
Teen girl #2: Chicago!
Teen girl #1: No… Isn't it in Arizona? Detroit, Arizona.
–Union Square
Ooo, Total and Udder Domination?
Student #1: So dude, totally we should all become vegetarians. That will totally solve the world hunger problem.
Student #2: But then the cows will take over the world!
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Honors Don't Mean You're Smart