Archive for January, 2012

Ooo, Total and Udder Domination?

Student #1: So dude, totally we should all become vegetarians. That will totally solve the world hunger problem.
Student #2: But then the cows will take over the world! –Brooklyn College Overheard by: Honors Don't Mean You're Smart

No, It's a Pill

Middle-aged woman #1, in complete monotone: I hate America. I wish I never moved here from Europe. I hate it here. Moving here has ruined my life. Doctors are giving me drugs I don't need. They are handing out little pink pain killers like their patients can't think for themselves. I hate America.
Middle-aged woman #2: (silence)
Middle-aged woman #1: Is that an iPhone? –Starbucks, 91st & 3rd

The Spy Who Cleaned Up After Me

Female suit: It was based on…
Male suit: James Bond!?
Female suit: No. The Odd Couple. –Financial District Overheard by: Soo close

…And We Stole It from Denny's.

Thug: Shorty, I think my ma's on the rock again.
Thugette: Why you say that?
Thug: I was eating ma chex yesterday, and I asked her for the spoon and…
Thugette: The spoon, my nigga? Like the spoon for cooking dope?
Thug: Nah, nah. Our spoon.
Thugette: Oh, you mean a spoon.
Thug: Nah, shorty, the spoon. We only got one. –23rd & 5th

Probably All That Rusticating

Bleached blonde Asian girl: My roommate is from Indiana and told me these stories about people, like this one girl who had to have sex with her stepdad for, like, 12 years.
Date: Oh my god, they are so stupid! I swear, the further away you get from the two oceans the stupider people get.
Bleached blonde Asian girl: I know! Like, if something like happened in New York, you know, you neighbors would hear because all the apartments are attached, not far apart and isolated like it is there. They are so stupid! –7 Train Overheard by: Midwest Asian-Girl East Coast Transplant

Either Kind Of Stoned

Short hot topic clad girlfriend: They're back together again?
Tall lanky crust punk boyfriend: Yeah man, they break up and get back together again more than people get stoned in Iraq. –175th & Ft. Washington Ave.

Ann Coulter: Democrats!

Friend #1, to bartender: We'd like some shots.
Bartender: I can do that. What kind?
Friend #2: Do you do blowjobs or cumshots?
Friend #1: What about abortion shots?
Bartender: Jesus Christ, who are you people? –Kabin bar