Archive for January, 2012

Ann Coulter: Democrats!

Friend #1, to bartender: We'd like some shots.
Bartender: I can do that. What kind?
Friend #2: Do you do blowjobs or cumshots?
Friend #1: What about abortion shots?
Bartender: Jesus Christ, who are you people? –Kabin bar

Try a Bigger Pool, Sweetie

Drunk lesbian #1, screaming near crowd of post Pride Parade revelers: Marco!
Drunk lesbian #2: Polo!
Drunk lesbian #1, taking hands off eyes: Dammit! I already know you! I'm trying to meet new people! –West 12th St. & West 4th St.

Dating in Williamsburg: Encapsulated.

Cute 20-something girl: I've been listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac recently. I forgot how much I liked them for a while and then they came on when I had my iPod on shuffle mod, and I was like, “oh yeah, these guys rock!”
20-something dude: Fleetwood Mac?
Cute 20-somehting girl: Yeah… The band? Fleetwood Mac.
20-something dude: Oh, I don't know them.
Cute 20-something girl: You've never heard of Fleetwood Mac?!
20-something dude, completely serious, scoffing: No. I really don't bother with anything other than 90s ska punk. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Was unaware that this type of music snobbism existed.

This PSA for the Use Of Condiments Never Quite Took Off

Crazy toothless woman taking packets of salt and pepper from bins: What, ya'll ain't never seen people taking teeth and pills from restaurants before? Ya'll don't know my name is Harwas and I'm anti-semetic. I hex all of ya'll. May it grow this way.
Teen: Yo, mama, you forgot the ketchup.
Crazy toothless woman: I'm just stepping through nicely. –McDonald's, 34th & 8th

Poor, Poor Camille Grammer.

Drunk middle aged woman coming home from St. Patty's parade: Stay away from ma man! I told her to stay away from ma man.
Drunk middle aged man: Mmm-hmm.
Drunk woman, slurring: I told her to not touch ma man. She thinks she's all cute and shit. But she not cute, she looks like a 10 dolla hooka.
Drunk middle aged man, in agreement: Uh-huh.
Drunk woman, slurring and stumbling: Not even, a two dolla hooka. Go on, you slut! Keep walking! –Staten Island Ferry

Lines Gary Busey Has Never Uttered.

Guy on train on cell: Yeah, man, I'm not sure if I can go out tonight. (pause) I know there's going to be a shit-ton of booze, but I think I'm staying in. I'll go next time. (pause) I'm just saying, I have no idea what I'm on right now, but I don't think I should mix it with alcohol. –7 Train

…I've Met Him 'Fore.

Grandfather: You remember my cousin, Arthur?
Little boy: Who?
Grandfather: You remember him, he was at your bris.
Little boy: Oh, right, right. (nods) –76th & Amsterdam