Archive for January, 2012

Much Like the Classic Comedy Routine Who's Stabbed First?

Fancy girl #1: Did I tell you about the guy that got jumped last week in Midtown?
Fancy girl #2: No.
Fancy girl #1: Well, he was walking down the street alone and this, like, thug guy came up to him with a knife and was like “give me your money” and started to like, wail on him.
Fancy girl #2: Oh my gosh, was he okay?
Fancy girl #1: Well… The guy that was in the process of being jumped turned out to be like some hardcore MMA fighter and ended up pulling some moves on him and turning the knife on the guy who tried to jump him! (pause) I think he even stabbed him in the leg with his own knife. I think so. (looks at phone) Yeah, he definitely did. Isn't that funny?
Fancy girl #2: Yeah, that's so crazy! (laughs)

–Q Train


Try a Bigger Pool, Sweetie

Drunk lesbian #1, screaming near crowd of post Pride Parade revelers: Marco!
Drunk lesbian #2: Polo!
Drunk lesbian #1, taking hands off eyes: Dammit! I already know you! I'm trying to meet new people!

–West 12th St. & West 4th St.


Dating in Williamsburg: Encapsulated.

Cute 20-something girl: I've been listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac recently. I forgot how much I liked them for a while and then they came on when I had my iPod on shuffle mod, and I was like, “oh yeah, these guys rock!”
20-something dude: Fleetwood Mac?
Cute 20-somehting girl: Yeah… The band? Fleetwood Mac.
20-something dude: Oh, I don't know them.
Cute 20-something girl: You've never heard of Fleetwood Mac?!
20-something dude, completely serious, scoffing: No. I really don't bother with anything other than 90s ska punk.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Was unaware that this type of music snobbism existed.


He Has a Vested Interest!

Customer: This vest is so poetic, it just has so much depth and feeling. (customer exits).
Store clerk #1: Depth and feeling? You're 22 years old and you're wearing an ascot. (pause) You're an idiot.
Store clerk #2: Right?!

–Greenwhich & 11th St


This PSA for the Use Of Condiments Never Quite Took Off

Crazy toothless woman taking packets of salt and pepper from bins: What, ya'll ain't never seen people taking teeth and pills from restaurants before? Ya'll don't know my name is Harwas and I'm anti-semetic. I hex all of ya'll. May it grow this way.
Teen: Yo, mama, you forgot the ketchup.
Crazy toothless woman: I'm just stepping through nicely.

–McDonald's, 34th & 8th


Poor, Poor Camille Grammer.

Drunk middle aged woman coming home from St. Patty's parade: Stay away from ma man! I told her to stay away from ma man.
Drunk middle aged man: Mmm-hmm.
Drunk woman, slurring: I told her to not touch ma man. She thinks she's all cute and shit. But she not cute, she looks like a 10 dolla hooka.
Drunk middle aged man, in agreement: Uh-huh.
Drunk woman, slurring and stumbling: Not even, a two dolla hooka. Go on, you slut! Keep walking!

–Staten Island Ferry


Undead-Americans Are Understandably Prickly

Older guy: Well, do you want to get something to eat?
Younger guy: Sure, but I'm not really familiar with the area. Do you know any local haunts?
Older guy: Yes, but I don't call them “haunts”.

–La MaMa Theatre, E 4th St

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster


Chinese Guy: Look, an Exotic White Couple!

Tweedledum: Wait, are we in Chinatown now?
Tweedledee: No, what are you talking about?
Tweedledum: Oh, I just thought, because I mean I just saw an Asian.

–5th Ave, outside Bergdorf's

Overheard by: Selena