Archive for January, 2012

Try a Bigger Pool, Sweetie

Drunk lesbian #1, screaming near crowd of post Pride Parade revelers: Marco!
Drunk lesbian #2: Polo!
Drunk lesbian #1, taking hands off eyes: Dammit! I already know you! I'm trying to meet new people!

–West 12th St. & West 4th St.

Dating in Williamsburg: Encapsulated.

Cute 20-something girl: I've been listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac recently. I forgot how much I liked them for a while and then they came on when I had my iPod on shuffle mod, and I was like, “oh yeah, these guys rock!”
20-something dude: Fleetwood Mac?
Cute 20-somehting girl: Yeah… The band? Fleetwood Mac.
20-something dude: Oh, I don't know them.
Cute 20-something girl: You've never heard of Fleetwood Mac?!
20-something dude, completely serious, scoffing: No. I really don't bother with anything other than 90s ska punk.


Overheard by: Was unaware that this type of music snobbism existed.

He Has a Vested Interest!

Customer: This vest is so poetic, it just has so much depth and feeling. (customer exits).
Store clerk #1: Depth and feeling? You're 22 years old and you're wearing an ascot. (pause) You're an idiot.
Store clerk #2: Right?!

–Greenwhich & 11th St

This PSA for the Use Of Condiments Never Quite Took Off

Crazy toothless woman taking packets of salt and pepper from bins: What, ya'll ain't never seen people taking teeth and pills from restaurants before? Ya'll don't know my name is Harwas and I'm anti-semetic. I hex all of ya'll. May it grow this way.
Teen: Yo, mama, you forgot the ketchup.
Crazy toothless woman: I'm just stepping through nicely.

–McDonald's, 34th & 8th

Poor, Poor Camille Grammer.

Drunk middle aged woman coming home from St. Patty's parade: Stay away from ma man! I told her to stay away from ma man.
Drunk middle aged man: Mmm-hmm.
Drunk woman, slurring: I told her to not touch ma man. She thinks she's all cute and shit. But she not cute, she looks like a 10 dolla hooka.
Drunk middle aged man, in agreement: Uh-huh.
Drunk woman, slurring and stumbling: Not even, a two dolla hooka. Go on, you slut! Keep walking!

–Staten Island Ferry

Undead-Americans Are Understandably Prickly

Older guy: Well, do you want to get something to eat?
Younger guy: Sure, but I'm not really familiar with the area. Do you know any local haunts?
Older guy: Yes, but I don't call them “haunts”.

–La MaMa Theatre, E 4th St

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Chinese Guy: Look, an Exotic White Couple!

Tweedledum: Wait, are we in Chinatown now?
Tweedledee: No, what are you talking about?
Tweedledum: Oh, I just thought, because I mean I just saw an Asian.

–5th Ave, outside Bergdorf's

Overheard by: Selena

Lines Gary Busey Has Never Uttered.

Guy on train on cell: Yeah, man, I'm not sure if I can go out tonight. (pause) I know there's going to be a shit-ton of booze, but I think I'm staying in. I'll go next time. (pause) I'm just saying, I have no idea what I'm on right now, but I don't think I should mix it with alcohol.

–7 Train