Archive for January, 2012

And I've Only Been to a 7-11 Twice!

Sober girl: Well, is he cute.
Drunk girl: Yeah, he's really cute… but he's Indian.
Sober girl: You're racist!
Drunk girl: Yeah… dude, I don't read the Qur'an. –30th & 3rd


New York City Is a Rich Cultural Tapestry.

Drunk black girl #1: Ew!Those plaid pants are fuckin ugly.
Drunk black girl #2: (laughs)
Queer non-athlete: Excuse me!
Drunk black girl #1: Yes?
Queer: My pants are not ugly and they are not plaid! Get it right, it's madras!
Drunk black girl #1: Right… and madras is a form of plaid!
Drunk black girl #2: Haha! Dumbass.
Queer: Yeah, well you bitches are just racist!
Drunk black girl #2: What the hell does race have to do with this? You're pants are ugly. Face facts.
Queer: Cause if I was black you wouldn't have said anything!
Drunk black girls, simultaneously: If you were black you wouldn't be wearing those ugly ass pants!
(queer stomps down train car, finds a seat and sulks. Drunk white girl approaches black girls)
Drunk white girl: Hey, guys.
Drunk black girl #1: Sup?
Drunk white girl: I feel bad, that was my friend, you know.
Drunk black girl #2: Oh. Well, you should be a good friend and tell him not to come out dressed like that. –Crowded L Trian Overheard by: Drunk and Laughing Friend who totally agrees


The Hora! The Hora!

Tween boy #1, after exiting TD Bank with two friends: Where do you get the money you spend?
Tween boy #2: Where do you think? My parents.
Tween boy #3: I spend my own money.
Tween boy #2: And where did you get that money?
Tween boy #3: My Bar Mitzvah. I got almost $6,000.
Tween boy #1: Damn, why am I not Jewish?
Tween boy #2: Hey, I have considered becoming Jewish just for the money! –Montague St & Court St Overheard by: Giggles


Um, Yeah, That's the Very Definition Of “Ballin'”

Stranger #1: Ooh, your daughter is so cute!
Proud mother: Thank you, she just got her very first cup of hot chocolate.
Stranger #1: Oh my gosh, that's a big deal! Do you like it honey?
Little girl: Mmm-hmm! (sips hot chocolate)
Stranger #2, at a different table: So you know you're ballin' when your first cup of hot chocolate is in the East Village at a hipster cafe where even the napkins are organic. –East Village Cafe


I've Always Said New York Was a City Of Assholes

Husband: You fuckin crazy? I wouldn't even buy bottled water in New York. Plain fucking dirty!
Wife: Yeah. I bet you washed your funky ass this morning.
Husband: So what! Apparently everyone else smells the same. –Times Square


Reminds Me Of Parliament

English tourist #1: Oh, shall we go into the creepy dead animal store?
English tourist #2, very seriously: Definitely. –Outside Evolution Store, Spring St., Soho Overheard by: Just Derek


Plus, It Upsets the Other People I Sleep With

Attractive 20-something #1: I guess some people want to keep a picture of their boyfriend on their bedside table.
Attractive 20-something #2: Not me!
Attractive 20-something #1: I know, right? It seems creepy. Like he's watching you sleep or something. –Uptown 1 Train


What a Coincidence– I Was in the Homegirl Scouts!

Clean-cut black guy: If she messes with me I'm going to put her in a ditch.
Big-boned mixed chick: No, you're not! You're too nice for that.
Clean-cut black guy: Don't you know? I was in the thug scouts as a kid!
Big-boned mixed chick, snickering: Oh, yeah?
Clean-cut black guy, thinking wistfully: Absolutely! Our motto was “yay, yay, bitch”! My first merit badge was for being gangsta! I believe it said “I will cut you, fool” on it… –Cambria Heights, Queens


Fucking Economy

Comedy ticket seller to girl in suit: Hey! Have you ever dated a communist?
Girl in suit: (ignores him)
Comedy ticket seller, louder: Hey! Have you ever dated a communist!?
Girl in suit: (ignores him)
Comedy ticket seller, muttering to himself: Damn it, another hot chick that doesn't speak English.
Girl in suit: Actually, I do, but I've been in heels for over ten hours and don't understand why dating a communist has anything to do with your attempt at comedy. (walks away)
Comedy ticket seller, muttering to himself: You might be right. –Times Square


Walt Whitman Certainly Would Have Approved

Man #1, watching squirrel carrying a bone: What happened, Mr. Squirrel? Where's that nut you used to eat?
Man #2: He don't like nuts no more.
(they laugh)
Man #1: He done graduated to fried chicken. Ain't no vegetarian no more.
(they laugh)
Man #1: He spent a couple nights in the projects. Walked in with a nut, walked out with a bone.
(more laughs) –N. Portland & Myrtle Ave., Brooklyn Overheard by: Gregory Smith