Archive for January, 2012

And I've Only Been to a 7-11 Twice!

Sober girl: Well, is he cute.
Drunk girl: Yeah, he's really cute… but he's Indian.
Sober girl: You're racist!
Drunk girl: Yeah… dude, I don't read the Qur'an. –30th & 3rd

New York City Is a Rich Cultural Tapestry.

Drunk black girl #1: Ew!Those plaid pants are fuckin ugly.
Drunk black girl #2: (laughs)
Queer non-athlete: Excuse me!
Drunk black girl #1: Yes?
Queer: My pants are not ugly and they are not plaid! Get it right, it's madras!
Drunk black girl #1: Right… and madras is a form of plaid!
Drunk black girl #2: Haha! Dumbass.
Queer: Yeah, well you bitches are just racist!
Drunk black girl #2: What the hell does race have to do with this? You're pants are ugly. Face facts.
Queer: Cause if I was black you wouldn't have said anything!
Drunk black girls, simultaneously: If you were black you wouldn't be wearing those ugly ass pants!
(queer stomps down train car, finds a seat and sulks. Drunk white girl approaches black girls)
Drunk white girl: Hey, guys.
Drunk black girl #1: Sup?
Drunk white girl: I feel bad, that was my friend, you know.
Drunk black girl #2: Oh. Well, you should be a good friend and tell him not to come out dressed like that. –Crowded L Trian Overheard by: Drunk and Laughing Friend who totally agrees

The Hora! The Hora!

Tween boy #1, after exiting TD Bank with two friends: Where do you get the money you spend?
Tween boy #2: Where do you think? My parents.
Tween boy #3: I spend my own money.
Tween boy #2: And where did you get that money?
Tween boy #3: My Bar Mitzvah. I got almost $6,000.
Tween boy #1: Damn, why am I not Jewish?
Tween boy #2: Hey, I have considered becoming Jewish just for the money! –Montague St & Court St Overheard by: Giggles

Um, Yeah, That's the Very Definition Of “Ballin'”

Stranger #1: Ooh, your daughter is so cute!
Proud mother: Thank you, she just got her very first cup of hot chocolate.
Stranger #1: Oh my gosh, that's a big deal! Do you like it honey?
Little girl: Mmm-hmm! (sips hot chocolate)
Stranger #2, at a different table: So you know you're ballin' when your first cup of hot chocolate is in the East Village at a hipster cafe where even the napkins are organic. –East Village Cafe

I've Always Said New York Was a City Of Assholes

Husband: You fuckin crazy? I wouldn't even buy bottled water in New York. Plain fucking dirty!
Wife: Yeah. I bet you washed your funky ass this morning.
Husband: So what! Apparently everyone else smells the same. –Times Square

Reminds Me Of Parliament

English tourist #1: Oh, shall we go into the creepy dead animal store?
English tourist #2, very seriously: Definitely. –Outside Evolution Store, Spring St., Soho Overheard by: Just Derek

Fucking Economy

Comedy ticket seller to girl in suit: Hey! Have you ever dated a communist?
Girl in suit: (ignores him)
Comedy ticket seller, louder: Hey! Have you ever dated a communist!?
Girl in suit: (ignores him)
Comedy ticket seller, muttering to himself: Damn it, another hot chick that doesn't speak English.
Girl in suit: Actually, I do, but I've been in heels for over ten hours and don't understand why dating a communist has anything to do with your attempt at comedy. (walks away)
Comedy ticket seller, muttering to himself: You might be right. –Times Square

Walt Whitman Certainly Would Have Approved

Man #1, watching squirrel carrying a bone: What happened, Mr. Squirrel? Where's that nut you used to eat?
Man #2: He don't like nuts no more.
(they laugh)
Man #1: He done graduated to fried chicken. Ain't no vegetarian no more.
(they laugh)
Man #1: He spent a couple nights in the projects. Walked in with a nut, walked out with a bone.
(more laughs) –N. Portland & Myrtle Ave., Brooklyn Overheard by: Gregory Smith

“Nude Descending a Wednesday One-Liner”

Man to date, seriously, looking at service door next to Jackson Pollock's painting: It looks like a door or something. –MoMA, 4th Floor Overheard by: Eric Arévalo Man to girlfriend: We have a lot of differences! When I say "Rubens" you think of the painter, and I think of a sandwich! –Riverside Park Overheard by: Greer Feick Man to security guard: Excuse me, could you tell me where I can find the Mona Lisa? –The Metropolitan Museum of Art Asian tween gal, in breathless monologue to boy pal: So you know I want to be an anime artist. But maybe I'll have to study cartooning. Which isn't anime, but anyway. Maybe I'll have to go to art school. Because you know what they say about anime, it comes from, you know, art… –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Susan Volchok Woman to boyfriend, in reference to Willem de Kooning's "Woman, I": It's like neon PMS. –MoMA, 4th Floor Overheard by: Eric Arevalo