Archive for February, 2012

Wednesday One-Liners Run Into Carmen Sandiego

Tourist to wife: I just don't understand! Where are we?!

–Times Square

Panicking tourist to security guard: Where's Rockefeller Center? We're looking for Rockefeller Center.

–Lobby of One Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Cung

20-something girl to friend: We should learn to read maps. We live in New York City. It's so simple. We should learn to read maps.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Katherine

Man to woman, walking: It's Broadway and 6th, but I don't know where that is.

–Broadway & 6th


It's a Petition to Ban Talking to Strangers

Petitioning man, running towards a woman with his arms outstretched: You… I'm going to talk to you now.
Woman, shaking head in fear: No, no.
Random passerby: Haha, yeah! You're doing it right.
Petitioning man: Thank you!

–63rd St & Broadway


Will New Yorkers Ever Change?

40-something year old woman: Would you please give me change, sir?
Teen dude: What kind of change would you like?
40-something year old woman, after staring: Don't you know what change is, motherfucker? I am holding a cup. You know what that means?
Teen dude: It means that you're a freakish bitchwoman. (walks away)

–Broadway & 242nd Street, Bronx


…For Instance, Pardon Me As I Fart.

Elevator woman: How's it going?
Elevator man: Well, you know… It's Thursday, so I'm happy about that. But everything else… is what it is. I really don't control anything else.

–Fulton St

Overheard by: Paper


So “Flogging the Dolphin” Doesn't Involve Actual Dolphins

Thoughtful 14-year-old girl: I don't think I'd like leather subculture, I mean, do they have a choice? Like, doesn't that involve hurting little animals and shit?
Knowledgeable friend: It doesn't have to be, like, actual leather.
Thoughtful 14-year-old girl: Oh! Okay.

–Cafe, 115th & Broadway


God Makes It Difficult to Resist the Forbidden Fruit

Man #1: I hate far Rockaway, man. It's crazy there!
Man #2: Yeah, man.
Man #1: Yeah! This one time I was walking down the street in far Rockaway and I saw a man clinging to the back of a truck, just throwing apples at people!

–A Train

Overheard by: Dislikes Apples


…Copy That?

Boy: Julie*, can I copy your homework?
Julie: Are we friends?
Boy: What?
Julie: I said, are you my friend?
Boy: Yeah, we're friends.
Julie: Then go away.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny


Our Acquaintanceship Seems Also to Have Begun at Its End

Eminem style white guy, trying pickup line: How was the book?
Pretty Chinese girl reading book, turning page left to right: What?
Eminem style white guy: The book you just finished, how was it?
Pretty Chinese girl reading book: I'm Chinese, this how we read books!

–N Train