Archive for March, 2012


Guy to another: What's up bitch, Marty, good morning!
Woman: That's not a nice way to say “good morning.”

–54th st & 7th Ave

Wednesday Line-Drivers

Conductor, over PA: This is 173rd, next stop 168th… An, I toll you all tha de Yankees was gonna win! My trusty crystal ball nevah fails me. Now, for tamorrah's lottry numbahs… Woops! My crystal ball just fell an broke.

–A Train

Overheard by: amused subway rider

Doomsday proclaimers carrying signs: Evil is coming to this place. No more Chevrolet and apple pie. No more fuckin' Superbowl, man.

–Delancey & Ludlow

Overheard by: Jana

Teen girl: Is it true that all Jewish guys are Yankees fans and all ginger and Irish guys are Mets fans?

–Bard High School

Overheard by: KB

Teacher to students leaving class: Hey guys, check out my golf swing! (swings an imaginary golf club) I love golf.

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: r

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Yankee stadium. Please note, there are more stairs at the end of the platform. Again, if you are a Yankees fan, there are more stairs at the end of the platform, if you are a Red Sox fan, get back on the train I'm taking you home.

–4 Train


Bro: Dude, I don't know what to do about Jersey. They're so out of touch…

–Southbound N Train

Loud coworker: And I was like, "oh my god, don't use lip liner or you'll look like one of those New Jersey bitches!"

–Union Square

Random woman: I don't want my kids to be from Jersey!

–41st & 6th

Overheard by: Fair Enough

Meathead, about Statue of Liberty: That green bitch looks better from Jersey.

–The Jewel Yacht, MC Chris Concert

Overheard by: MCC fan

Have You Heard He Also Masturbates Right Before Dates? Genius!

Queer bartender to queer waiter: Did you give Joe* that shot?
Queer waiter: No, he's too drunk. I'll give it to him later.
Queer customer: It's 10 o'clock!
Queer waiter: He comes in drunk.
Queer customer: Well, that's a real time saver…

–Uncle Charlie's

Overheard by: Scott

Use a Standard Ass Gauge

Student, about project: How big should I make it? I don't feel like making a big ass thing.
Teacher: No, no. I don't want a big ass thing. Just make is a small ass thing or a medium ass thing.

–Frank Sinatra School of the Arts

Hey, I Manscape!

Woman yelling from window to group of teenage skateboarders: Shut the fuck up!
Teen: Bitch, you wanna come down here and get your pussy wet?
Woman: Grow some fucking hair on your balls! Then we'll talk!

–49th St

…And Could You Deep Fry the Coffee?

Woman #1: Make sure they scoop out the center of my bagel. I'm on a diet, don't need all those carbs.
Woman #2: I didn't know they would do that.
Woman #1: Sure they will, and I want cream cheese and jelly on my bagel… Oh ya, and butter.
Woman #2: Do you want a coffee?
Woman #1: Please, and with three sugars.

–17th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Linda

…to Use the Latin Term.

Male cashier: You comin' this weekend?
Female cashier: Nooo! I can't cuz I gotta go with my girlfriend downtown, she's makin' me go with her to get her thingies pierced… You know, her ta tas.

–Key Food, Broadway & 187th St

Overheard by: Tom Collins

(Get It? “Trickle Down”?)

Preppy guy: How are you feeling now?
Preppy girl, with head in hands: Sigh. My right nostril is stuffed now. Can you help me?
Preppy guy, balling his hand into a fist and playfully punching girl's nose: Kapaiyow! Bing, bang, boom, biff, pow! (pause) Reaganomics!
(preppy girl looks up, her face beaming)

–Carmine & Bleeker