Archive for April, 2012

Or Did You Mean the Musical?

Tourist #1: Excuse me, do you know where 42nd street is?
Tourist #2: Between 41st and 43rd, I think. –40th St & Broadway

Just When You Think Your Walk Of Shame Can't Get Any Worse

Girl: I'll have a grande skim latte, please.
Counter guy: What size do you want? Grande? Like, “large” in Spanish?
Girl: Oh, um, no I want a small. No! A medium. Sorry, I can't talk today. (looks down at hand) And I'm trying to pay with my student ID. –Dunkin' Donuts, The Bronx

Little May Bee Had a Rough Childhood.

Toddler: Maybe go upstairs? Maybe go upstairs?
Dad: Don't start sentences with “maybe.” where are you getting this “maybe” from?
Toddler: Maybe go upstairs?
Dad: Don't say “maybe”! Be definitive. –Columbia University

Do You Spit or Swallow, Sir?

Man at counter: I *love* this shit! (slaps trident vitality Vigorate gum down on counter).
Cashiers: (giggle)
Man at counter: The flavor only lasts like, two seconds, but… I just think it's tasty. –Duane Reade

The Olsen Twins' Reality Show Was Short-lived.

Drunk girl #1: Wait, I think I ate all my gum. Do you have any gum?
Drunk girl #2: Wait, you ate it? Like, you swallowed it?
Drunk girl #1: No, but I love cigarettes? –3rd St & Mercer Overheard by: subwaybums

…Like Daycare!

Four-year-old girl to mom: It smells like weed on this bus?
Mom: What?
Four-year-old girl: It smells like weed on this bus!
(mom ignores her) –S46 Bus, Staten Island Overheard by: Expecting a child

God Bless the USA

Nanny to little boy: So Matty, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Little boy: I want to be an astronaut, a pizza man, and sit on a bar stool like my daddy. –Tin Tin's Laundromat