Archive for April, 2012

Mr. Benson Gave It Serious Consideration

Bag lady: You got 40 cents for a coffee? Come on, 40 cents.
Suit: I just left a bunch of boxes of girl scout cookies in front of the church on 43rd street, go have some.
Bag lady: Fuck you, why don't you go eat them with your nasty dick out!

–45th & 3rd


*sigh*

Little black boy, very definitively: Mommy, I like girls!
Mom: Girls? You're too young to like girls!
Little black boy: Well, I like them!
Mom: What kind of girls do you like?
Little black boy, without any hesitation: Oriental. Yellow girls.

–116th & 7th Ave


…I Am So Horny Right Now

Male student with can of ginger ale: Time to crack these nuts open.
(opens can in front of crotch. Foam and bubbles come out)
Male student
: Aww, shit.


–Bard High School Early College Queens


For the Win!

Girl #1: It's a great yoga class. They tell you how to place your hips…
Girl #2: Oh, that sounds nice… I did my studies on yoga in India…
Girl #3: (silence)

–NYU

Overheard by: kat g


The Typical Teenage Dystopian Future

Youth #1: We should see Hunger Games!
Youth #2: Is it scary? I don't like scary.
Youth #1: No, it's about the the future.
Youth #2: Like 1984?
Youth #1: Yeah, but, like, in the future.

–Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: lolyutes


Remember Kathy Bates in About Schmidt?

Female partygoer: She had a lisp, she was fugly, she had a voice like a man, and she thought she was hot.
Male partygoer: That last part was strange.

–York Ave & 75th St

Overheard by: Bryan


When Thong Underwear Is Too Tight

Teen girl #1: Your IQ is like a… a… ten!
Teen girl #2, angrily: It's 150, you ass-cracker!

–Q Train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle


If Berlin Had a Spin-Off Group?

Suit to another: I am so over the whole East Berlin thing.
Suit #2: Oh my god! I am too.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Liliah


You, Sir, Have the Soul Of a Poet

Black hobo on park bench, to young woman passing: Yo nigga, you so fine I wanna suck a fart right out yo ass.
Young woman: Thank you.

–Bryant Park