Mother to daughter: I haven't had sex since 1988!
Daughter, without pause or hesitation: Wow! Really, didn't need to know that, mom.
Waiter, walking by: Bwahaha!
–El Ay Si Restaurant, Long Island Coty
Archive for May, 2012
The Pope Has an Excellent Alibi
Teacher: Does anyone know what happened at Pentecost?
Kid: Yeah, it's when the Nazis killed the…
Teacher, very quickly: That was actually the Holocaust.
–Confirmation Class, Elmhurst
Twelve-Year-Olds Think They Know Everything
Middle aged lady #1: Who are you talkin about? That boy Michael?
middle aged lady #2 Yeah.
Middle aged lady #1: He gives his kids liquor?
Middle aged lady #2: Yeah! And you can't say nothin bout it either, cuz if you do (puts her hand up in the air in exasperation) …you wrong!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Veronica
…His Runny Bunny Eyes
Yuppie guy: And I just knew it was him, because he had this hard case of pink eye going on.
Yuppie girl: Ew!
Yuppie guy: He swears it's not contagious, but every time I run into him, there it is.
–E 67th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Abs
I May Be Too Focused on the Hole
Guy #1: Bagels, they can't last more than two days.
Guy #2: That's one more day than most of my relationships!
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Not-Susan
So Not First-Date Appropriate
Drunk white girl coming home from the bar: He pooped?
Drunk Asian girl: Yeah, he pooped… in his pants!
Drunk white girl: Why?
Drunk Asian girl: Because he's a weirdo.
–114th St & Broadway
The Mayor Takes “Nanny State” Literally
Man #1: Every night I get a call saying that my kid wasn't in school that day. I don't even have a kid.
Man #2: That's all part of Bloomberg's plan.
–Kew Gardens
…To Each Other…For My Pleasure…That's Feminism, Right?
Beatnik dude #1: You know what the those b, d, f, m trains stand for? It's “bondage,” “domination,” “feminism,” “masochism.”
Beatnik dude #2: “Feminism”?
Beatnik dude #1: Yeah, because I imagine it's all women doing it.
–1 Train
So It's, Like, the Internet?
Girl #1: What's Girls?
Girl #2: A terrible tv show on HBO.
Girl #1: Oh, it's bad?
Girl #2: I never saw it, but some of my friends have. They say it's just about a bunch of ugly girls having sex.
–Eugene O'Neill Theater
Overheard by: T
…To Be Blunt
Tall man: Why?
Short woman: Because I want to.
Tall man: Why?
Short woman: Because I want to!
Tall man: Why?
Short woman: Because I want to, and I want a cigarette too!
–5th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Don Willmott