Archive for May, 2012

Wait a Minute– I'm 20!

Mother to daughter: I haven't had sex since 1988!
Daughter, without pause or hesitation: Wow! Really, didn't need to know that, mom.
Waiter, walking by: Bwahaha! –El Ay Si Restaurant, Long Island Coty

Twelve-Year-Olds Think They Know Everything

Middle aged lady #1: Who are you talkin about? That boy Michael?
middle aged lady #2 Yeah.
Middle aged lady #1: He gives his kids liquor?
Middle aged lady #2: Yeah! And you can't say nothin bout it either, cuz if you do (puts her hand up in the air in exasperation) …you wrong! –2 Train Overheard by: Veronica

I May Be Too Focused on the Hole

Guy #1: Bagels, they can't last more than two days.
Guy #2: That's one more day than most of my relationships! –14th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Not-Susan

So Not First-Date Appropriate

Drunk white girl coming home from the bar: He pooped?
Drunk Asian girl: Yeah, he pooped… in his pants!
Drunk white girl: Why?
Drunk Asian girl: Because he's a weirdo. –114th St & Broadway

…To Each Other…For My Pleasure…That's Feminism, Right?

Beatnik dude #1: You know what the those b, d, f, m trains stand for? It's “bondage,” “domination,” “feminism,” “masochism.”
Beatnik dude #2: “Feminism”?
Beatnik dude #1: Yeah, because I imagine it's all women doing it. –1 Train

So It's, Like, the Internet?

Girl #1: What's Girls?
Girl #2: A terrible tv show on HBO.
Girl #1: Oh, it's bad?
Girl #2: I never saw it, but some of my friends have. They say it's just about a bunch of ugly girls having sex. –Eugene O'Neill Theater Overheard by: T

Some Tasteful and Understated Wednesday One-Liners.

Teenage girl: I taste like fish. –Union Square Overheard by: Murphy Pants-less girl: I miss having taste buds. –1 Train Overheard by: Victoria Young girl to young man: Have you ever tasted ass? –42nd St & Vanderbilt Ave Overheard by: mon Guy: I don't have to taste it, I know it's gonna be bad! And I know that because you never ask me to taste anything good. –St. Mark's Place

Wednesday One-Liners *Hic*

College girl to another: I knew you were drunk because every time you opened a beer can you said a Snapple fact. –Columbia University Overheard by: Nicole Mom with stroller to another: Am I the only one who thinks being a stay-at-home mom makes you a raging alcoholic? I mean… What else are you supposed to do with your time? –Astoria Overheard by: kfowler White suit to black suit: So we're getting drunk at the wake, or what? –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Ladle Old polish guy to another: You know what's good for you? If you drink vodka, but you don't drink it straight early in the morning. . . –Greenpoint Girl: I didn't know if we had the vibe, and I was too drunk… –Broadway & 8th Overheard by: non-gay NYU guy Edison contractor to coworker: Johnny with the MTA? That fuck is drunk every night–and he works on the third rail! –Jones & Bleecker Overheard by: Sasha

Once Upon a Time in Wednesday One-Liner…

Bag lady: The Republicans are trying to regain power by removing all the African Americans and replacing them with Latinos. –Jamaica LIRR Station Woman to boyfriend: You know, I'm really glad I met you instead of a Mexican. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: true romantic Asian girl on phone with her mother: He's not a regular Hispanic, you know, he speaks English, recycles, and likes museums. –Washington Square Park Lady at shop: Are you Mexican? My ex was Mexican. He was shorter than me, but I loved him. Until he stabbed someone. (pause) Sweetheart, I need a lot of napkins–I don't have my top teeth. –President & Smith