Archive for May, 2012

Nah, Stolen

Guy eating pizza: Its hottt!
Girl: Temperature hot or spicy hot?

–29th & 7th Ave


Now Where Do Crackheads Figure Into This Schema?

Girl: I think I'm going to be a lumberjack tomorrow.
Friend: But then how will we tell you apart from the hipsters? I mean really, what's the difference between a lumberjack and a hipster?
Girl: One of them has a job.

–Citi Field


Or, You Know, Wherever

Guy, watching the Discovery shuttle making final flight: What's that? Two planes together?
Friend: The top one is the Challenger that went to the moon.

–Queens


Sorry– I'll Switch to Decaf

Employee #1: Allllllll niiiiiiiight loooooong. I'm gonna give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya…
Employee #2: Yo, shut up. This ain't no Puerto Rican idol.

–Starbucks


Hef's Parents Had a Similar Issue with Him.

Mother: Get your butt over here!
Little girl on leash: I am looking for the bunnies! (looks over a pile of large garbage bags)
Mother: You are fucking gettin' on my nerves!
Little girl on leash: (starts to rip open garbage on street)
Mother: (tugs leash and slaps daughter's hand and then begins pulling her daughter down the street)
Little girl on leash: Mom! I want to pet the bunnies!
Mother: I fucking told you already many times they bite and you will get diseases and rabies! You are so stuu-pidd.

–115th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Michael Bastianelli


Tonight on Iron Chef

Girl #1 to host: Can you change the tv to MSG?
Girl #2: MSG? Is that a channel?
Girl #3: Isn't that in Chinese food?

–51st & 2nd


Hence the Zagreb Sauce

Man: So did you like your lobster?
Woman: Yeah. It was like eating a really big shrimp.
Man: Mmm-hmm.
Woman: I mean, they're basically the same animal, a lobster and a shrimp.
Man: Well, yeah. A shrimp, a lobster, a crab– they're the same family. Croatians.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: R.B.