Archive for May, 2012

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Inebriated frat guy to another: No, you drunk asshole, it's the Mongolian bakery!

–Columbus & W 70th

Overheard by: JKK

Frat boy: I'm Brad Pitt's brother! Who do you think you're cutting corners with?

–Union Square

Bro, loudly: Beer pong is about drinking and winning.

–13th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Basket

Pre-teen to another: I was breastfed by a fat boy!

–Union Square


Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now.

20-something guy to 20-something girl next to him on subway: Excuse me, but I just had to tell you that you're the hottest chick I've seen all day. No, actually week. Maybe even month. No, wait, there was that blonde at Equinox. Yeah, you're the hottest this week.

–C Train

Overheard by: Grace Gold

Girl on cell: He just was like "lara blah blah blah, you're hot!" and I'm like "shut the fuck up!"

–84th & 2nd

Suit, loudly into cell: Karen, this is the story of my life. I give a hot offer and I get a ho-hum response.

–Behind Barnard College, Claremont Ave

Cute 20-something on phone: No! I only fuck him because he's here and you're in fucking California. If you were in the city I'd be fucking you and not him! (pause) No! I don't care that he's your best friend! He's hot!

–East Village


Big, Wet, Open-Mouthed Wednesday One-Liners

Hot girl to male friend: If I have free time, I'm going to spend it with my daughter or my friends, who I already know, already trust and already made out with.

–7th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: I got Sweeney Todd! I feel like making out with some guy right now! I don't even care who he is!

–41st & 7th

Overheard by: Jon Clarke

Teen girl to another in nail salon: He knows me so well… He stayed at my house all week. We almost hooked up!

–E 79th St

Overheard by: Carrie

Freshman girl, trying to impress older, more cultured girl: I'm very multicultural when it comes to hooking up with people. I mean, I like to try different things, and everyone has something different to offer.

–Brooklyn College

Guy, as his face hovers an inch away from girl's: There's something about the arts–makes me wanna make out.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rachel


Wednesday One-Liners Write Off Anal-Bleaching As a Work Expense

Blonde girl to guy friend: I've never done real porn before. What's it like?

–Fordham University Lincoln Center

Loud, long-haired, seemingly-straight white guy: So I wanna do a promo for the "hard-on" part!

–15th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Flyin' Thing

Sorostitute at nearby table: So I said, 'if there's gonna be sex, take out the camera.'

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Man, coming out of Peep World: Blu-Ray would of course make the money shot better… Not that I would know.

–33rd St

Overheard by: Deep Tech


Wednesday One-Liners Are Drawn Together

Girl walking out of tattoo parlor: So… Now I have a shamrock on my vagina.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Alex S.

Man to friend by Rockefeller Christmas tree: I wanted to cover up the Marilyn Monroe tattoo with a tree, but now I'm against trees.

–Rockefeller Center

Blonde on phone: Okay so this guy showed me this dog standing up on his chest… It was a tattoo… But it was only half its body and he asked if I wanted to see its tail wag and I was like "no." (pause) Judy, if the man has a tail I don't wanna see it, especially since a tail is above the butt, and people shouldn't have tails!

–Times Square

Teenage girl to another: I can't decide, Starbucks or a tattoo.

–E 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Yelena


Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for School

English teacher, seeing colleague with baseball bat over shoulder: It's time for corporal punishment!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

History teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. Too bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

History teacher: Zinn's lens is very very dark… Much like Nicole Richie's sunglasses.

–Millennium High School

English teacher: There's a very thin line between orgasms and spiritual revelation.

–Hunter College High School

Teacher: Any more questions? (pause) Let's talk about terrorists.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer


Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal.

Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?

–Starbucks

Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.

–49th St & Madison Ave

Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.

–LIRR

Overheard by: VV

Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!

–District Court, Hempstead

Overheard by: Big Larry


Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal.

Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?

–Starbucks

Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.

–49th St & Madison Ave

Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.

–LIRR

Overheard by: VV

Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!

–District Court, Hempstead

Overheard by: Big Larry


Chili's Wednesday One-Linerback Ribs

Loud black lady on cell: How bout that time I drive by your house, call you up and ask where you at? You say you in a cab, I see you sitting there with your baby's mama, what up with that!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Julie Paulie

Comedy show flyer guy: No I am not Puerto Rican! I am not wearing a flag or a baby!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Amused Passer-by

Drunk white chick: But I don't want my eggs to be babies. I want ten I be experimented on!

–Midtown Bar

Black woman to another: Cause you know: there's always that one black baby in like every ten black babies that just looks like an alien, like 'what happened to you?'

–25th & 7th

Overheard by: Andrea


Eat. Pray. Wednesday-One-Liner.

Burly black man: I'm just not a flirty person.

–10th St & 4th Ave

Odd woman consoling her friend: You see, he could be a diamond, but he chooses to be coal! And here you are, sparkling!

–6 Train

Woman on cell: So I says to him, 'that Sue* is a good woman! You want to make her your shorty? You better get your shit together and approach her the right way!'

–14th & 7th

Straight white male on cell: I want to punish her for making me feel insecure.

–8th Ave & 19th St

Overheard by: Lisa Levy