Archive for May, 2012

Eat. Pray. Wednesday-One-Liner.

Burly black man: I'm just not a flirty person. –10th St & 4th Ave Odd woman consoling her friend: You see, he could be a diamond, but he chooses to be coal! And here you are, sparkling! –6 Train Woman on cell: So I says to him, 'that Sue* is a good woman! You want to make her your shorty? You better get your shit together and approach her the right way!' –14th & 7th Straight white male on cell: I want to punish her for making me feel insecure. –8th Ave & 19th St Overheard by: Lisa Levy

Wednesday Weight-Losers

Girlfriend to boyfriend: If we got married, do you think everyone in our lives would loose weight for the wedding? –4 Train Teen girl to friend: It's like anorexia but… spiritual. –34th & 7th Girl to friend: I'm paying you to tell me to gain weight so you can suck it out of me? –Central Park Overheard by: Fat Boy Slim 8-year-old boy: Mom, can I take off this coat? It makes me look fat. –120th st & Amsterdam Ave Overheard by: Carol

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Back the Side Pony

Blond-haired, blue-eyed six-year-old girl with mom to rasta: Are those ponytails in your hair? –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Casey Guy with enormous ginger afro: The hair thing is very weird; I feel like everyone is staring at me… –Bowery & 4th St Overheard by: RED Girl on cell, probably speaking to another girl: And she wants straight bangs, like the ones I've had for years, and she thinks it'll look good on her? –14th & 4th Ave Overheard by: Boblrider Boy at bar watching Patriots Game: I love Tom Brady. His hair makes me want to be a better man. –Brass Monkey Overheard by: Miss Marisol

Wednesday One-Liners for Keanu Reeves

Older man to wife, in front of freezer: "Slow churned" What does that mean? They could put anything in there–how do you know he's really churning it slow? –Key Foods, Whitestone Man with Russian accent: You are slow like turtle… but in the head. –95th & 3rd Overheard by: tom Four-year-old boy, throwing tantrum while getting onto train: But I wanna take the r train! I wanna take the r train! The q is too slow! I don't like getting off at 7th Avenue! I wanna take the r train! –B Train Overheard by: I don't like the B and the Q either Pilot, as plane is about to take off: Hold on everyone, I'm about to go reallllly fast! –Plane Leaving JFK

End Sday One-Liners

Six-year-old, playing video game: Whee! I'm going to commit suicide! –B Train Emo kid on train to another: I once tried to overdose, but my metabolism was so fast that it didn't work correctly. –N Train Overheard by: Rachel Guy on cell, in bored voice: I wanna fucking kill myself… but besides that, it's just another lovely day in the neighborhood… –Midtown, Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Nina Female NYU undergrad to another: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I tried to commit suicide too… –University Place & 10th St Overheard by: Don Willmott Girl on cell: My psychologist said I'm not allowed to make suicide pacts anymore. Sorry! –Central Park

She'll Be Underemployed and Overdressed

Guy #1: I'm finally got to interview candidates for my assistant position.
Guy #2: Nice!
Guy #1: Yeah, I had the perfect one all picked out, but HR had the final say so I didn't get the one I wanted.
Guy #3: Oh, who did you have in mind?
Guy #1: I had this chick that was like a sales associate at The Gap or something, but instead they gave me this chick that used to be a analyst at some bank…
Guys in unison: Too bad, man, we feel your pain! –E Train Overheard by: Neems

I Call Her Salmon Ella

16-year-old boy #1: Oh, yeah, I just mushed his face on the grill and made him eat the chicken cutlet and shit was still cold.
16-year-old boy #2: Yo, but was the grill on?
16-year-old boy #1: You mean lit? Yeah, hot and poppin', but it wasn't about the grill, if you feel me, I wanted him to die of ptomaine.
16-year-old boy #2: Next time he'll finger his own stepmom!
(they high five each other) –Chelsea Piers Overheard by: inconsiderate

I'm Here on a Student Visa

Guy walking: Hey man, do you know where the bar Spike Hill is?
Guy with a cigarette: Sorry, I'm from up north.
Guy walking: Like what, Maine?
Guy with cigarette: Nah, dude, Greenpoint. –Williamsburg

…Here's a Rain Check

Girl, receiving birthday gift from date: Oh my god, that's so cute, I'm going to cry.
Guy: Realy?
Girl: No… Well, maybe if I wasn't on Zoloft. –6th & 17th

…If You Want to See My Clit

Girl to guy: You have no body fat! If you were a girl you'd have like no periods!
Guy: Uh… Thanks? I don't know if that's a compliment or… –5th Ave & 42nd St Overheard by: Clara R.