Archive for May, 2012

Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal.

Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?

–Starbucks

Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.

–49th St & Madison Ave

Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.

–LIRR

Overheard by: VV

Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!

–District Court, Hempstead

Overheard by: Big Larry


Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal.

Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?

–Starbucks

Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.

–49th St & Madison Ave

Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.

–LIRR

Overheard by: VV

Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!

–District Court, Hempstead

Overheard by: Big Larry


Chili's Wednesday One-Linerback Ribs

Loud black lady on cell: How bout that time I drive by your house, call you up and ask where you at? You say you in a cab, I see you sitting there with your baby's mama, what up with that!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Julie Paulie

Comedy show flyer guy: No I am not Puerto Rican! I am not wearing a flag or a baby!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Amused Passer-by

Drunk white chick: But I don't want my eggs to be babies. I want ten I be experimented on!

–Midtown Bar

Black woman to another: Cause you know: there's always that one black baby in like every ten black babies that just looks like an alien, like 'what happened to you?'

–25th & 7th

Overheard by: Andrea


Eat. Pray. Wednesday-One-Liner.

Burly black man: I'm just not a flirty person.

–10th St & 4th Ave

Odd woman consoling her friend: You see, he could be a diamond, but he chooses to be coal! And here you are, sparkling!

–6 Train

Woman on cell: So I says to him, 'that Sue* is a good woman! You want to make her your shorty? You better get your shit together and approach her the right way!'

–14th & 7th

Straight white male on cell: I want to punish her for making me feel insecure.

–8th Ave & 19th St

Overheard by: Lisa Levy


Wednesday Weight-Losers

Girlfriend to boyfriend: If we got married, do you think everyone in our lives would loose weight for the wedding?

–4 Train

Teen girl to friend: It's like anorexia but… spiritual.

–34th & 7th

Girl to friend: I'm paying you to tell me to gain weight so you can suck it out of me?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fat Boy Slim

8-year-old boy: Mom, can I take off this coat? It makes me look fat.

–120th st & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Carol


Wednesday One-Liners Bring Back the Side Pony

Blond-haired, blue-eyed six-year-old girl with mom to rasta: Are those ponytails in your hair?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Casey

Guy with enormous ginger afro: The hair thing is very weird; I feel like everyone is staring at me…

–Bowery & 4th St

Overheard by: RED

Girl on cell, probably speaking to another girl: And she wants straight bangs, like the ones I've had for years, and she thinks it'll look good on her?

–14th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Boblrider

Boy at bar watching Patriots Game: I love Tom Brady. His hair makes me want to be a better man.

–Brass Monkey

Overheard by: Miss Marisol


Wednesday One-Liners for Keanu Reeves

Older man to wife, in front of freezer: "Slow churned" What does that mean? They could put anything in there–how do you know he's really churning it slow?

–Key Foods, Whitestone

Man with Russian accent: You are slow like turtle… but in the head.

–95th & 3rd

Overheard by: tom

Four-year-old boy, throwing tantrum while getting onto train: But I wanna take the r train! I wanna take the r train! The q is too slow! I don't like getting off at 7th Avenue! I wanna take the r train!

–B Train

Overheard by: I don't like the B and the Q either

Pilot, as plane is about to take off: Hold on everyone, I'm about to go reallllly fast!

–Plane Leaving JFK


End Sday One-Liners

Six-year-old, playing video game: Whee! I'm going to commit suicide!

–B Train

Emo kid on train to another: I once tried to overdose, but my metabolism was so fast that it didn't work correctly.

–N Train

Overheard by: Rachel

Guy on cell, in bored voice: I wanna fucking kill myself… but besides that, it's just another lovely day in the neighborhood…

–Midtown, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Nina

Female NYU undergrad to another: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I tried to commit suicide too…

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: Don Willmott

Girl on cell: My psychologist said I'm not allowed to make suicide pacts anymore. Sorry!

–Central Park


She'll Be Underemployed and Overdressed

Guy #1: I'm finally got to interview candidates for my assistant position.
Guy #2: Nice!
Guy #1: Yeah, I had the perfect one all picked out, but HR had the final say so I didn't get the one I wanted.
Guy #3: Oh, who did you have in mind?
Guy #1: I had this chick that was like a sales associate at The Gap or something, but instead they gave me this chick that used to be a analyst at some bank…
Guys in unison: Too bad, man, we feel your pain!

–E Train

Overheard by: Neems


I Call Her Salmon Ella

16-year-old boy #1: Oh, yeah, I just mushed his face on the grill and made him eat the chicken cutlet and shit was still cold.
16-year-old boy #2: Yo, but was the grill on?
16-year-old boy #1: You mean lit? Yeah, hot and poppin', but it wasn't about the grill, if you feel me, I wanted him to die of ptomaine.
16-year-old boy #2: Next time he'll finger his own stepmom!
(they high five each other)

–Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: inconsiderate