Archive for June, 2012

Wednesday One-Liners Avoid the Sins Of the Flesh.

Hobo, pulling hot dog out of a bin, taking a bite, and throwing it straight on the footpath: This is a fucking vegetarian dog!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Mike

Ditz: I've become a vegetarian. Specifically, a Presbyterian. Like, you know, I eat fish and lobster… (friend nods knowingly)

–Union Square

Overheard by: wgoddessw

Older woman getting out of the subway with a bike, singing: Vegan is the way, vegans are the best, vegans have better health, vegans have better sex.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Carnivore

Man to friend on bike: You're not a vegetarian anymore! Now you're a cannibal.

–Tomkins Square Park

Vegetarian: I'm vegetarian, but I still eat sugar.

–Red Bamboo

Overheard by: Matt Maciejewski


“You Put Your Wednesday In, You Take Your Wednesday Out, You Put Your One-Liner In, and You Shake It All About…”

Middle-aged guy to another: So it's like, which one do I give it to? One's got one leg, and the other has no legs! (both laugh)

–61st & Broadway

Overheard by: Too many legs to be considered

Guy walking and talking on cell: Do you know how to sew? (pause) Not clothes, asshole. Skin!

–McCarren Park

Tipsy 30-something woman: It makes your cheeks look funny! The cheeks on your face!

–Restroom, Financial District Restaurant

Upper West Side lady: I have to develop my toes.

–Columbus & 69th St


Raise Your Hand If You Remember Rotary Wednesday One-Liners

African American man at the top of subway stairs: You sound African. There must be something wrong with my Bluetooth.

–Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall

Five-year-old boy: Put the phone down, mom. Now.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: You go kid

Guy on cell: I woke up with all these guys' numbers in my phone. (pause) No, I have no idea what happened.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady: I called you to tell you to stop calling.

–Macy's


100% Pure, Uncut Colombian Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, her sister is like the prettier version of her in that 'not having to try as hard, wear as much makeup, and do as much coke' kind of way.

–Bowery Street

NYU premed student: I live off of jelly beans and Doctor Pepper. (whispers) and cocaine.

–NYU Student Center

Overheard by: Steve

Nerdy-looking guy: The cocaine I just bought is fair trade.

–Brazen Head, Brooklyn

Guy to friends: I don't even take Nyquil and you think I do cocaine?

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Samantha

Crazy-looking blonde girl to boyfriend: I tried to throw it up, then realized I'd rather just do blow.

–Greenpoint.


Wednesday One-Liners Flip the Big Switch in Al Gore's House

Older man on phone: No, seriously, do you have your tubes tied? I mean, I know I have grandchildren, but my oldest daughter is only 24 and I still want a boy. (pause) Don't lie to me! (pause) Just let me know on either my MySpace or Facebook.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit: You know, it's like an electronic way to send a piece of paper. (pause) Well, if you have any more questions about this whole e-mail thing, you just give me a call.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Boyda Johnstone

Mom on cell: I'm going to confiscate his computer and kick his ass!

–103rd & Broadway

Guy to date, about panama: Other than the internet, it's the most racist place I've ever been to.

–Chavella's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli


Wednesday What-Liners?

Waspy 20-something girl to friend, walking by a menorah on 5th day of Hanukkah: Ohmigod! They just put that thing up! Why are some of the lightbulbs already out?

–42nd & 11th

Random passerby, watching people dressed in 1920s clothing past sign that says "set": Do you think they're actors?

–Flatbush, Brooklyn

Coworker: Are snakes animals?

–Lincoln Center

Teen girl to friend: Can the Chinese even eat potatoes?

–7 Train

Clerk filing passport application: NYU, is that here in New York?

–Grand Central Station Post Office


Wednesday One-Liners: Now 8 Years Old!

Young woman to another: It's hard to convince your 52-year old boyfriend to go to your friend's 26th birthday party.

–Central Park

40-something coworker to another, on her birthday: I just said "join the club." I did not say what club.

–Midtown

College girl, freaking out: Does anyone have a cellphone charger!? So I can find out what my friend did to me… On my birthday!

–Ave. A & 6th St

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Well, I'm not the one who wanted to go to Shamu's birthday!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Barry


Is the Expression “What a Gyp!” Offensive in This Context? Discuss.

Drunk girl, getting on cab to go home: How much to take me to East 31st?
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk Girl: What?
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: No!
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: You have go to be kidding me!
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: No! That is twice what it should be!
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: Why are you trying to take advantage of me? Why are you trying to do that?
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: No! No! No! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out of this cab, right now!

–Avenue of The Americas


Ignorance Of TV Law Is No Excuse

Girl #1, talking about old tv shows: Ohmigod, did you ever watch that show?
Girl #2: Umm… No.
Girl #1, enthusiastically: Me neither!

–Bard High School Early College, Queens


Or, If We're Feeling Classier, Arby's?

20-something brother: Well, I'm hungry too, we can just go to a pub or something.
20-something sister: A pub?! Ugh… Can't we go to a real place, like IHOP?

–W 34th St

Overheard by: Phil