Archive for June, 2012

Who Wouldn't?

Guy #1: Hey, want to see a picture of a vibrator up a rectum?
Guy #2: Sure.

–Central Park, Sheep's Meadow


Ignorance Of TV Law Is No Excuse

Girl #1, talking about old tv shows: Ohmigod, did you ever watch that show?
Girl #2: Umm… No.
Girl #1, enthusiastically: Me neither!

–Bard High School Early College, Queens


Or, If We're Feeling Classier, Arby's?

20-something brother: Well, I'm hungry too, we can just go to a pub or something.
20-something sister: A pub?! Ugh… Can't we go to a real place, like IHOP?

–W 34th St

Overheard by: Phil


Wednesday One-Liners Look Nothing Like Demi Moore

NYU professor: I hate to break it to you, but there are ugly strippers. Go to Jersey City. There are ugly strippers.

–Waverly & Mercer

Guy to friend: I didn't say I wanted white strippers, I said I wanted girls with big booties, big boobies and beautiful eyes…

–Q Train

Sorostitute at nearby table: I was like, 'the strip-o-gram is a one time thing.'

–Junior's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Flaming teenage gay boy: So she calls me and says, "my stripper friend's boyfriend is lost in Queens." And I'm like, "What?! One, why are you hanging out with a 21-year-old stripper, and two, why was he in Queens?

–In Line for Something Corporate

Overheard by: Can you spot the pun here?


Wednesday One-Liners Look Nothing Like Demi Moore

NYU professor: I hate to break it to you, but there are ugly strippers. Go to Jersey City. There are ugly strippers.

–Waverly & Mercer

Guy to friend: I didn't say I wanted white strippers, I said I wanted girls with big booties, big boobies and beautiful eyes…

–Q Train

Sorostitute at nearby table: I was like, 'the strip-o-gram is a one time thing.'

–Junior's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Flaming teenage gay boy: So she calls me and says, "my stripper friend's boyfriend is lost in Queens." And I'm like, "What?! One, why are you hanging out with a 21-year-old stripper, and two, why was he in Queens?

–In Line for Something Corporate

Overheard by: Can you spot the pun here?


Wednesday One-Liners Look Nothing Like Demi Moore

NYU professor: I hate to break it to you, but there are ugly strippers. Go to Jersey City. There are ugly strippers.

–Waverly & Mercer

Guy to friend: I didn't say I wanted white strippers, I said I wanted girls with big booties, big boobies and beautiful eyes…

–Q Train

Sorostitute at nearby table: I was like, 'the strip-o-gram is a one time thing.'

–Junior's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Flaming teenage gay boy: So she calls me and says, "my stripper friend's boyfriend is lost in Queens." And I'm like, "What?! One, why are you hanging out with a 21-year-old stripper, and two, why was he in Queens?

–In Line for Something Corporate

Overheard by: Can you spot the pun here?


Mad Men's Day One-Liners

Suit to buddies: So I have to do that every time I poop, or blood gets everywhere…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: lezbotron

Young male suit: 34 years, 8 months, and 3 weeks until I retire. So I plan on marrying rich.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: Ferna

Suit on cell: Did you just say 'bollocks'?

–13th & 1st

Suit: It's legal S&M! That's what I always say.

–A Train

Suit on cell: Okay, see you Sunday. (hangs up and says to himself) I've never seen you, I don't want to see you, and I never will see you.

–King St