Archive for July, 2012

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Pretty Spry

Old lady to guy pushing cart with large musical instrument case on top: Hey! Do you have a dead body in there?

–8th & 6th Ave

Old man: Tighty-whiteys! Tighty-whiteys! Does anyone know where the tighty-whiteys are? (pause) If anyone sees any tighty-whiteys, let me know.

–Goodwill, Chelsea

Strung-out old lady: Call me! I'm going to church, I need to pray for all of us!

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Long-haired old guy riding bike very slowly, to no one in particular: I hate you.

–Thompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Eli


It's a Race to the Wednesday One-Liner

Young white woman: And I have to say–she failed to mention–not that it matters or anything… But he was… black!

–Clinton & Attorney

Overheard by: YouriPodHeadphonesDontMeanICantHearYou

Hobo with imaginary Bluetooth device: I saw Bernstein suckin' that nigga off in the bathroom! I ain't lyin'! (pause) I'd like to thank the blacks, the Irish and the Hispanics!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ginger Lass

White gangsta-type guy to two black gangsta-type friends: That chinese girl ain't givin' you nothing! No msg, no *nothin'*!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Black teen to another: Listen up: On Martin Luther King Day, all white folks must walk down 7th Avenue… or else!

–Lenox Avenue & 125th St

Overheard by: ManhattanMackenzie


That's Me in the Corner, That's Me in the Spotlight Losing My Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Yeah, well, I asked you where that came from and you told me, 'Jesus wrote it.'

–Pete's Cafe, E. Fordham Rd & Hoffman St

Girl on phone: I will never. Ever. Go to temple. With your mother. Again!

–89th & 3rd

Hipster girl on cell: So she just read the bible all day? Seriously? So weird!

–Cornelia St

Overheard by: d

Subway preacher: Jesus will live here for one thousand years, and everyone is invited! All the Jews! Jesus says, 'you want some cereal? Here is a bowl!' but, my brothers and sisters, you are putting your spoons in your ears!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: judydarkness


Wednesday One-Liners Feel Pretty

My dad: Papa John's had some work done.

–78th & Park Ave

Friend to another, discussing proper etiquette at funeral: Of course I checked Facebook! I needed to keep my mind off of things, plus I looked good that day… I had to post pics!

–Dentist Office

Tourists behind me: Her tattoos look stunning now, but when she's middle aged they won't look good.

–12th St, Alehouse

Overheard by: I'm 41

Guy to girl: The scarf is doing most of the heavy lifting, but you look really good.

–Fordham Law

Overheard by: brooklynlert

Guy to upset girl: I wasn't saying it to be mean, ok? But it's true: You really *do* look kind of like Bob Dylan.

–Outside New York Public Library


Wednesday One-Liners Drink It All In.

Hip-hop type to two others: Yo, you wanna roll by Friday's for a quick mudslide?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Heather K

Stylish woman to suit: Excuse me, do you know where there's a high-end coffee shop around here? I've seen a lot of Starbucks, but their coffee is really hard to digest.

–Columbus Circle

Girl to another: I said, those shots must have something in them! But then he kept talking about his ass for awhile.

–Bedford & Myrtle

Overheard by: Sneaky

Flight attendant on PA: This is American Airlines flight 179 to New York's John F. Kennedy airport–excuse me, to San Francisco! (pause) I need a little more coffee…

–JFK Airport


Damaged Wednesday One-Liners Seek Damages

Suit on cell: So, I was in the car going, like, 'are they breathing?'

–7th Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Eve, hurrying away

Lady lying under U-haul van: I think you broke my ankle, yo.

–De Kalb & Stuyvesant Ave

Overheard by: Waiting for the pain to kick in

Dad to elementary school-age son: Back problem? You're too young to have a back problem. What'd you ever do to have a back problem? Me, I got hit by a bus.

–66th St & Myrtle Ave

Overheard by: sohopixie


Wednesday One-Liners Stroke It to the Food Network

Loud Puerto Rican woman: You know what made me break out in hives?! All these nuts I ate the past few days! (awkward silence) I'm allergic to peanuts , y'know!

–Hinsdale, Brooklyn

Guy to female friend: You know, if you lick the walls, they taste like snozberries…

–Dylan's Candy bar

Guy, looking at menu, then to girl with him: Philly tubesteak? You're having one of those tonight anyway. (pause) Cause I'm from Philly!

–Crif Dogs

Overheard by: Ricky

Sobbing seven-year-old: I just want… a nap… and a pepperoni pizzaaaa!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Liz


Wednesday One-Liners Stroke It to the Food Network

Loud Puerto Rican woman: You know what made me break out in hives?! All these nuts I ate the past few days! (awkward silence) I'm allergic to peanuts , y'know!

–Hinsdale, Brooklyn

Guy to female friend: You know, if you lick the walls, they taste like snozberries…

–Dylan's Candy bar

Guy, looking at menu, then to girl with him: Philly tubesteak? You're having one of those tonight anyway. (pause) Cause I'm from Philly!

–Crif Dogs

Overheard by: Ricky

Sobbing seven-year-old: I just want… a nap… and a pepperoni pizzaaaa!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Liz