Archive for August, 2012

You Won't Be Breathing Forever, Either

Older man in baseball cap to friend: I gotta find me a girl, I don't wanna still be getting into trouble when I'm sixty.
Friend: Yeah.
Older man in baseball cap: Cause I ain't gonna be a junkie forever.

–Brooklyn


Regular Dell Movements Are Essential

IT Geek #1, during lunch break: Oh, yo! I need to ask you something. What's the most computers you ever moved in a day?
IT Geek #2: In a day? Oh, man…
(rest of IT geeks anxiously await answer)

–Fulton & Cliff

Overheard by: LiAps


Sounds Like a Lose/Lose

Guy #1, running from next subway car: Hold it, hold it! I wanna stop the train! Fuckin bitch, she's looking for trouble.
Guy #2: If he stops this train he's looking for trouble!

–6 Train

Overheard by: S. Donicce


Con Fusion Cuisine

Man: What kind of food is Asian fusion?
Girl: We serve Japanese and Malaysian cuisine.
Man: So, like Chinese food?
Girl: No, Japanese and Malaysian food.
Man: Is Malaysia in Japan?
Girl: No, they're separate countries.
Man: What do they speak? Chinese?
Girl: No, they have their own languages.
Man: So what's the food like?
Girl: Here's the menu.
Man: What is this, sushi?
Girl: We have sushi and various cooked dishes, like curries.
Man: Do you have fried rice?
Girl: No.
Man: Oh. I want Chinese food. God bless! (leaves)

–Asian Fusion Restaurant, Bay Ridge


…May Have Just Undermined My Own Business Model

Guy: Man, I have to shake your hand. I want to read your book! It's amazing! (stretches out hand)
Matthew Lesko: Thank you. You can find it in the library!

–Starbucks, 32nd & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Georgia


Ugh, No Vagina Talk During Dinner

Gay Guy: Hi! You look look like a banana.
Girl in yellow: That's funny. I feel like a banana split.

–4th & Mercer

Overheard by: josephmcelroy


…You Wacky Negro.

Kid, looking into a trick mirror: Look mom! I'm a midget!
Mom, looking around nervously: Shhh, Jaden! You can't use that word! The politically correct term is “munchkin.”

–New York Hall of Science


She's No GILF, Either

Camp counselor: So, Sarah, what are you doing tonight?
Five-year-old Sarah, who sounds like she has emphysema: My parents aren't home tonight.
Camp counselor: Sounds like a party.
Five-year-old Sarah: Yeah, party with grandma.

–Central Park

Overheard by: LSB