Archive for August, 2012

Ad: New York– Where Oklahoma Meets Canadia!

Guy: So I was hanging out with my cousin and his friends and they're, like, from Oklahoma and Canada, and we're all hanging out. It's around two am. One guy goes, “I think I'll go take a walk” so I told him, “I don't think you should.” It's just not a good idea for someone to take a walk at two am their first time in the city, y'know?
Friend: Yeah… They could get lost.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl


Oh There Are a Lot Of Oxymorons in Jersey.

Girl #1, looking at ad: I can't believe there's a new show called Jersey Couture.
Girl #2: Ew!
Girl #1: The biggest oxymoron I've ever heard.

–14th St

Overheard by: anonymous


…Like Everybody Else

Well dressed young African American man: Which ones do you like?
Girlfriend: I don't know man, I just want to stand out tonight.

–Topman, Soho


“Will Work for Wednesday One-Liner”

Bag lady asking for change to kind person who gave: Thank you! Can I ask–do these headphones make me look rich? Cause I need my music when I'm out here.

–23rd St & 9th Ave

Aggressive panhandler to passing bald guy: Hey, Kojak! Help me out here! Who loves ya, baby!

–5th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Richard Nixon

Drunk hobo arguing with another: I'm done talking to you. I can have a better conversation with the door. It just goes bing-bong.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Amanda White

Hobo to suit: Look at you, playing with yourself! That is gross, you are disgusting… You can't fight, you can't dance, and you can't fuck!

–7th Ave

Overheard by: scotty 2

Hobo to college students entering college: Don't go to class! Smoke crack, like me!

–Hunter College Lex Entrance


“I” Before “E,” Except After Wednesday One-Liners

Angry grammarless woman: Tell it on my face!

–Lexington & 65th

Overheard by: Laura

Finnair pilot: Dear passengers, this is your pilot speaking. I want to let you know that we are going to be taking an alternate route today for our direct flight to Finland. We will be flying over central Greenland to avoid the cloud of Icelandic ass.

–Tarmac JFK Airport

Overheard by: Eric Aho

Stegosaurus-haired boy on phone: Yeah it's on, uh, Bowie and Hewston.

–Whole Foods, Bowery

Ditzy bridge-and-tunnel girl picking up another one's trash: I should win the good sumarian award for this.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell: She stupid, I'll just get my GED!

–31st St


Who You Callin' “Wednesday One-Liner”?

Thug to friend: Mr. Bean? Yo, he's my 'nigga!

–Times Square

Guy on cell: You a soup eatin', bowl lovin', country-ass nigga!

–B42 Bus

Overheard by: focused

Thug yelling on cell: Yo nigga, ya don't know what the fuck you talkin' bout. Cain killed Able!

–A Train

White kid in yellow shirt, walking into room with other white guys: What's up, my niggas?
(notices the one black guy on the couch) Oh, shit!

–114th St & Broadway


Don't Step in the Wednesday One-Liners

College dude to friend: And then the shit gets stuck to the head of your penis…

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: It's Too Early For This

Guy to passive dude handing out postcards: Like I really give a shit 'bout your fucking shit.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Natalie

Female tourist to boyfriend: These sandwiches would be good if they didn't have all this shit on them.

–Pret A Manger Sandwich Shop, Broadway

Asian chick: Same shit, different toilet.

–W 18th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Alex M.

Dude: Trust me, guy, once you shit yourself in front of your girl, the relationship changes.

–F Train

Overheard by: Fact.


Wednesday Even One-Liners While Driving.

Man on cell: I know, dude, I don't know why she's so pissed… I mean, I text her that I love her every once in a while.

–59th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Megs

Guy to another in line for bathroom: I only have two problems in life: delayed text messages and premature ejaculation. But if I call Verizon, they can only fix one of those.

–Phoebe's Bar

Teenage girl to another: I would have spelled out "handjob," but the text would have been too long, so I went with "hj."

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

20-something woman on cell: He texted her "shabbot shalom." So I called Moishe and I told him that he can't be texting a fourteen-year-old girl!

–New York Sports Club, 62nd & Broadway

Woman to another, standing at bathroom sink: He acts really gay, but he sends me really straight text messages.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: He's Gonna Break Your Heart


Bad Wednesday! Bad One-Liner!

20-something woman holding puppy: Don't bite that, that's my sleeve. (pause) That's my pocket. (pause) Those are my boobs. Only my boyfriend's allowed to bite those, fuzzbutt.

–43rd & 10th Ave

Hipster dog walker sitting at bench with dogs talking to Beagle: You're an asshole, you know that? You don't want to listen, that's why you're an asshole.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Yeah…that dog doesn't understand you.

Crust punk to dog: Left. (dog turns a little after her) Hard left!

–Tompkins Square Dog Run

Overheard by: Hc

Female owner to poodle in full-leg plaid pants, bright yellow doggie sweater, and propeller beanie: You like your clothes, don't you? Yeah!

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle