Archive for August, 2012

Lick My Wednesday One-Liner, Bitch!

20-something hot girl to another: Well, if there was Kool-Aid on your butt, wouldn't you lick it?

–42nd & Broadway

Drunk girl: I would totally lick that off the table if I was more drunker.

–71st & 1st

Man on cell: I don't speak fucking German. I put my tongue in butts. I lick fucking clitorises.

–135th & Malcolm X

Mom to misbehaving son: You are not to lick your brother's tongue. You are not to lick your brother's face. I will leave you on the train tracks and you can find your way to the zoo yourself. Now, get it together.

–F Train

Wednesday Vaginers

30-something woman on cell: I think we should definitely start with the fake vagina, then bring in the mysterious element.

–6th Ave & Minetta

Brunette skipping down street: I don't have any twat waffles!

–Broadway 38th & 39th

Dude: To be fair, a small boy anus is almost certainly tighter than Rosie Perez's cooch.


Overheard by: Ladle

Tall woman to friend: It's like a Brita filter for vagina juices.

–Lower East Side

Wednesday XXLiners

20-something metrosexual to another: "Cankles" are calf-ankles and "fankles" are fat ankles. Regardless, you wouldn't want either.

–67th St & Lexington Avenue

Overheard by: E.S.

Girl in hallway: That's the I-look-too-fat-to-wear-anything-else outfit.


Overheard by: Alex

Hipster to friend: I'm resting it on my fat roll!

–Upper East Side

Girl on cell: What I don't understand is: dad is 300 pounds overweight, so why the fuck do we need food stamps?


Just When I Thought History Class Had Gotten Fun!

Boy #1: Since when does LBJ stand for “Lyndon B Johnson”?
Boy #2: (blank expression)
Boy #1: I googled LBJ and the first link was Lyndon B Johnson, and the guy has nothing to do with basketball!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Freedom

Might It Be Possible to Purchase Some?

Man: I don't think they got no empanadas. I don't see no empanadas on the menu.
Young daughter: They doooo.
Man: Alright, ask them.
Young daughter: Do you have empanadas?
Empanada stand guy: Uh… Yeah?

–Mamma's Empanadas

Harry Potthead

Guy #1: I should get a wizard hat! Do they sell those?
Guy #2: Dude, that would be awesome!

–Thompson St

Overheard by: DantePulaski

Aww, That's So Sweet!

Gay dude #1: I think if someone writes “nice guy here” in the “about me” section of his profile it really means “will rape and cut you up in bits”. I could be wrong.
Gay dude #2: Yeah, I can't prove it scientifically but that has been my experience. Every time I've been raped and cut up it was by a “nice guy”.

–East 6th & 3rd Ave