Archive for September, 2012

A Meeting Of the United Underminers' Union

Loud girl: Okay, so what the hell did you do to your eyebrows?! They're so sparse and choppy! I don't even know how to get eyebrows to look like that! All I know is that they certainly didn't look like that yesterday. I mean, did you take scissors to them or something? I can't stop staring at them.
Meek girl, frantically scrambling for mirror in purse: I… don't know, I mean I plucked them a little! Oh my God!
Loud girl: No… they look great, relax.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Susan


And If I Were Going by Plane Instead Of Just Flapping My Arms

Blonde: So, how long is the flight to San Diego?
Brunette: I think it's like three hours… Yeah, it's three hours. I leave at three and land at six.
Blonde: Oh, that's it?
Brunette: Yeah, it would be quicker if I didn't have a layover.

–Murray Hill


How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick: I have money on me, but I'm not gonna spend it on fucking food!

–E 10th St

Overheard by: j

Guy on cell, in line for New York to Boston Fung Wah bus: I gotta go the the bean.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Rebecca

Hobo, screaming out loud: Turkey does not cure cripple!

–Lincoln Square

Overheard by: M

Overly excited 20-something: I have an egg timer, have you ever seen an egg timer?

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: wish I had one


I Didn't Cheat on You– We Just Wednesday One-Linered Up!

20-something woman: There you are! Adam, this is Jolie. Jolie, this is Adam, the guy I hooked up with.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: wb

20-something guy to friend: I'll definitely hook up tonight. My standards are pretty low. I only require them to say 'yes' and it's all good.

–N Train

Overheard by: Trish M

Guy: I was kinda sick, but I don't think I was contagious… but I told her I was so I didn't have to hook up with her.

–Court & Pacific Carrol Gardens

20-something girl on cell: No, on your birthday, I hooked up with no one but you.

–1st Ave & 60th St


Wednesday One-Liners Can Be Read on the IPad

Guy: He spends half the time summarizing the text with pantomime.

–Computer Lab, NYU

Overheard by: AH

Normal-looking guy, conversing with invisible person: What? You can't read and write? Man, you ain't never gonna get your manhood back if you don't know how to read and write!

–F Train

Overheard by: DeaMcK

Girl inside store: Books that aren't spiral-bound. That's my problem in life. I can't turn the pages.

–Staples

Overheard by: JF

Am new york guy: Read about something in am New York! Read about something in am New York!

–34th St

Overheard by: erkala

Mom: Okay, so his punishment is he's not allowed to read…

–14th St & 4th Ave


Don't Get All Broken Up Over These Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell phone: When we break up, what's he gonna do, take the fuckin' lawn, too?

–Merrick Blvd

Overheard by: Luki

Guy on steps to other: If you want a divorce, bitch, you gotta die! (pause) Til death do us part!

–9th St & Ave A

Fat lesbian to another: If I break up with her, she is going to sodomize me with a fork.

–Mullane's Bar and Grill, Brooklyn

Woman to man: I mean, when women are dumped they die immediately. Scream, cry, throw things, eat. Then rise again like the phoenix… only slightly fatter, and move on.

–Olympic Flame Diner

Overheard by: Liz Reddick


Wednesday One-Liners Are Breakin' Outta This Joint, See?

Guy in crowded holding room for Hair audition: This is like gay prison.

–Ripley Grier Studios

Small white jewish girl: Oh my god, I would leave my boyfriend for Lil Wayne in a second. Now that he's in jail, I think I'm going to start writing him letters.

–NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Heavyset black kid: Remember, the police will take your dead body to jail.

–Q Train

Thuggy black dude: Naw, I ain't goin' to jail tonight–not for no black girl. Now if she was white…

–E Train

Overheard by: Tallwhiteboy

Ghetto girl to another: Girl, you gotta stop buying things for him. He's in jail.

–Astor Place K-Mart

Overheard by: Elliot


Rage Against the Wednesday One-Liner

Teen: I'm only considerate of people so I can be mad at them if they're inconsiderate of me.

–Greenwich Village

Drunk ghetto girl: She's just mad because she eats pussy!

–Classon St

Overheard by: kelly

College girl on cell: I'd shove a rusty wire hanger up her vag just to get my anger out.

–Union Square

Boy: If I found out Angelina Jolie was living under my bed, I would be mad at her.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny


1.3 Billion Chinese People Can't Be Wrong About These Wednesday One-Liners

20-something suit to another: I'm getting tired of spending every day chasing Asian girls, and every Friday night at Pacha.

–6th Ave & 21st

Bearded guy: The Chinese are taking over everything. Soon it'll be Barnes & Noodles!

–Ollies, 66th St.

Extremely loud teen on cell: I axed mad Asians. I axed Chinese, too! Ain't nobody have turtles, ace! They said come back in the summer!

–6th Ave & W Houston

Drunken white girl to friend: I'm more Korean than you!

–E7th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Lotte