Archive for October, 2012

…I Think I'm in Love.

Guy to friend: So how was that date you went on last night?
Friend: That guy was so boring. I blew my load on his back and left.

–23rd & 10th


“Tunnel Vision:” Defined

Man to friend: So, where did you find the cane you're using, it looks like just what I need.
Friend: Oh, at a CVS near Jersey.
Man: What's “near Jersey”?
Friend: Just through a tunnel, you know… Jersey.

–W 71 & Broadway

Overheard by: Revedgoldberg


Chelsea Has Homosexuals?

Tourist to another: They didn't say the tour guide would be a homosexual.
Tour guide: Stealth bombs of fabulous, we specialize in them!

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Trish


Again With the Peanuts?

Old man: He used to be Charlie Brown. Oh! Now he's Lucy.
Old lady: When he was really little, he was Linus.

–116th & Morningside Dr


Do You Get the Periods?

Wife: I'm cold. Are you cold?
Husband: Not really.
Wife: How come men never complain about being cold?
Husband: We have good thermostats, you have multiple orgasms. Wanna trade?

–MoMA


Otherwise You Might Suddenly Start Sucking Dicks

Tyler Durden-quoting thug: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
Reference-missing thug: Nah, man, that's fucking gay. There's always other bitches around.

–30th Ave, Astoria


If New Yorkers Had Any Shame, Trains Wouldn't Need Conductors

Conductor: I swear, when people get on the subway system, their iq drops. (two stops later) I saw you put your foot in the door, lady, and you had your child with you! Just remember, he sees everything you do. (next stop, as passenger sticks foot in door to get on train) How long you gonna stand there with your foot in the door?

–1 Train


Busted.

Hobo: Hey, baby girl!
Black girl, freaked out: Hey…
Hobo: You got a boyfriend?
Random black girl: Yeah…
Hobo: He one of dem light skin niggas, ain't he?
(black girl laughs as she runs away)

–N Train


Wednesday One-Linarrrrs

Old hobo: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a pirate!

–West 4th St

Overheard by: Tina

Gay English prof: The pirates need sex!

–Barnard College

Five-year-old boy, in pirate accent: We're at the center of the universe! Yarrr!

–Times Square

20-something to date: This root beer is strong. It makes me feel like a pirate!

–23rd St & 9th Ave