Guy to friend: So how was that date you went on last night?
Friend: That guy was so boring. I blew my load on his back and left.
–23rd & 10th
Archive for October, 2012
“Tunnel Vision:” Defined
Man to friend: So, where did you find the cane you're using, it looks like just what I need.
Friend: Oh, at a CVS near Jersey.
Man: What's “near Jersey”?
Friend: Just through a tunnel, you know… Jersey.
–W 71 & Broadway
Overheard by: Revedgoldberg
Chelsea Has Homosexuals?
Tourist to another: They didn't say the tour guide would be a homosexual.
Tour guide: Stealth bombs of fabulous, we specialize in them!
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Trish
Again With the Peanuts?
Old man: He used to be Charlie Brown. Oh! Now he's Lucy.
Old lady: When he was really little, he was Linus.
–116th & Morningside Dr
Do You Get the Periods?
Wife: I'm cold. Are you cold?
Husband: Not really.
Wife: How come men never complain about being cold?
Husband: We have good thermostats, you have multiple orgasms. Wanna trade?
–MoMA
One Hates to Be Spit Upon Outside the Bedroom
Gay guy #1: Something's spitting on us!
Amused girl: It's raining.
Gay guy #1: Ooooh.
Gay guy #2: Thank you!
–7th Ave & W 16th
Overheard by: Jodi
Otherwise You Might Suddenly Start Sucking Dicks
Tyler Durden-quoting thug: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
Reference-missing thug: Nah, man, that's fucking gay. There's always other bitches around.
–30th Ave, Astoria
If New Yorkers Had Any Shame, Trains Wouldn't Need Conductors
Conductor: I swear, when people get on the subway system, their iq drops. (two stops later) I saw you put your foot in the door, lady, and you had your child with you! Just remember, he sees everything you do. (next stop, as passenger sticks foot in door to get on train) How long you gonna stand there with your foot in the door?
–1 Train
Busted.
Hobo: Hey, baby girl!
Black girl, freaked out: Hey…
Hobo: You got a boyfriend?
Random black girl: Yeah…
Hobo: He one of dem light skin niggas, ain't he?
(black girl laughs as she runs away)
–N Train
Wednesday One-Linarrrrs
Old hobo: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a pirate!
–West 4th St
Overheard by: Tina
Gay English prof: The pirates need sex!
–Barnard College
Five-year-old boy, in pirate accent: We're at the center of the universe! Yarrr!
–Times Square
20-something to date: This root beer is strong. It makes me feel like a pirate!
–23rd St & 9th Ave