Archive for October, 2012

Girls Think About Boys; Boys Think About Vagina

Teen chick #1: I just can't tell how he really feels about me…
Teen chick #2: He likes you! He chose you! It's like Pokemon! He took his pokeball and said, “Nicole, I choose you”!
Teen chick #1: But, did he choose me? I think I chose him.
Teen chick #2: I don't know. Which one of you fits into a pokeball better?

–67th & Broadway

Overheard by: Minnie Amelia Rosario


She Really Had to Pee

Guy at bar: Is she ok?
Girl just arriving at bar: My friend? Yeah, dude, she's fine, she just had to pee.
Guy at bar: No, I meant that girl that got hit by the car outside.

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: i couldn't believe it either


Only You Understand Me, Roberto

Dumb girl: Do you think if I learned Italian I would get an accent?
Dumb boyfriend: You know Spanish and don't have one.

–Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: j. hood


I'm Missing Texts, Even As We Speak

Little girl: Mommy, I want a phone.
Mom: You can't have a phone.
Little girl: But all my friends in second grade have phones.

–Pizzeria, Battery Park City

Overheard by: Bryan


One More Reason to Date Outside Your Race

Small white cashier gal: Collard greens, grits… I just love all that stuff!
Large black cashier gal, grimacing: Not me, that's slave food.

–Rite-Aid, Amsterdam & 69th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok


Oh, I'd Do That Even If We Were Married

Short bald rich man: I hate that you go to work and take off your clothes for other men.
Stripper: Then you probably really hate that I have sex with other men in your bed.
Short bald rich man: As long as they're as rich as me. I don't want you fucking my employees.

–Ritz Diner, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Anna B


Next Time I'll Just Jack One

Five-year-old girl #1: Did I tell you that it took forever for me to find parking?
Five-year-old girl #2: No, really?
Five-year-old girl #1: Yes, there was a big truck in my way and I had to drive around forever, but I am here now. (girls go back to running through the fountain)

–Playground, Long Island City


What With the Mysophobia

Construction worker #1: Oh, my god. Is that him?
Construction worker #2: I don't think so.
Construction worker #1, excited: I think it is! I think it is!
Construction worker #2: No way.
Construction worker #1, yelling: Yo, Howie! (to his buddy) Did he look?
Construction worker #2: Dude, Howie Mandel is not going to be walking around midtown Manhattan.

–Carnegie Hall


…First Time I've Heard That, Hon

Waitress, pouring beer to guy: Is that too much head for you, sir?
Guy, grinning lecherously: No, I can never get enough!
Waitress: Oh my.

–Diner, Midtown


Wednesday One-Liners Get Lost in Translation

30-something suit on cell: Uh-uh… see, I'm gonna sue his ass for defecation of character. That's defecation of character right there.

–Flatbush & Dekalb Ave

Overheard by: Elisse

Thug on cell: I'm mean, it was all of that, depending on how you, um, ya know, use these English words. (pause) I mean, shit…

–17th & 2nd

Overheard by: rick

Kid to friends, seeing Mercedes roadster: Man, look at its exhaustion pipes!

–Jewel Ave & Main St

Overheard by: BobsBigBoys

Thugette on cell: I'm sorry. If I'da knowed, you'da wanna went. I'da seed you'da gotta get to go.

–Off-Track Betting

Overheard by: johnny

Man to another in the park: You got a memory like a… fuhgetaboutit.

–Greenmarket, Union Square

Overheard by: Eric Arevalo