Five-year-old girl #1: Did I tell you that it took forever for me to find parking?
Five-year-old girl #2: No, really?
Five-year-old girl #1: Yes, there was a big truck in my way and I had to drive around forever, but I am here now. (girls go back to running through the fountain)
–Playground, Long Island City
Archive for October, 2012
Eh, I'll Settle for YouTube Notoriety
Random girl #1: What kind of movie is filmed at Jake's Dilemma?
Random girl #2: A movie that won't ever make it to the theaters.
–Amsterdam & 81st St
Even a Taurus With a Tiny Penis Would Be Preferable
Ghetto girl #1: Yo, I cannot be with a gemini.
Ghetto girl #2: For real?
Ghetto girl #1: Yeah. I could be friends with a gemini girl, but with a guy… Hell no!
–F Train
What With the Mysophobia
Construction worker #1: Oh, my god. Is that him?
Construction worker #2: I don't think so.
Construction worker #1, excited: I think it is! I think it is!
Construction worker #2: No way.
Construction worker #1, yelling: Yo, Howie! (to his buddy) Did he look?
Construction worker #2: Dude, Howie Mandel is not going to be walking around midtown Manhattan.
–Carnegie Hall
…First Time I've Heard That, Hon
Waitress, pouring beer to guy: Is that too much head for you, sir?
Guy, grinning lecherously: No, I can never get enough!
Waitress: Oh my.
–Diner, Midtown
Wednesday One-Liners Get Lost in Translation
30-something suit on cell: Uh-uh… see, I'm gonna sue his ass for defecation of character. That's defecation of character right there.
–Flatbush & Dekalb Ave
Overheard by: Elisse
Thug on cell: I'm mean, it was all of that, depending on how you, um, ya know, use these English words. (pause) I mean, shit…
–17th & 2nd
Overheard by: rick
Kid to friends, seeing Mercedes roadster: Man, look at its exhaustion pipes!
–Jewel Ave & Main St
Overheard by: BobsBigBoys
Thugette on cell: I'm sorry. If I'da knowed, you'da wanna went. I'da seed you'da gotta get to go.
–Off-Track Betting
Overheard by: johnny
Man to another in the park: You got a memory like a… fuhgetaboutit.
–Greenmarket, Union Square
Overheard by: Eric Arevalo
Wednesday's One-Liners Refuse to Heal
Thug tween in pj pants: My wound isn't open. I checked in the bathroom.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: This Is Our Youth
Eccentric man, offering crusty napkin to sneezing female suit: Here, it's barely used.
–Crosstown Bus
Stoner to female friend: Before you clip your fingernails, make sure your nose is clear of boogers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Patrick
Rich lady to rich friend: But then I checked, and it wasn't oozing, and so I figured what the hell, you know?
–31st & 3rd
Overheard by: Perversely curious
A Wednesday One-Liner Is Not Your Fault
Blonde teen: I hope he gets abducted by General Date Rape!
–Central Park
Girl to guy: Well, you did roofie me…
–Washington Square
Overheard by: boast no pills?
Guy to another: You know, you are just like a rape victim. You are in complete denial.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: stephanie
Woman, staring at cell: This is the pervert who raped me!
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: ARob
Middle aged guy in red velvet suit, yelling at cell: You black and crispy, and you got raped!
–1 Train
If You Prick a Wednesday, Does He Not One-Liner?
Flamboyant male receptionist on front-desk phone: You can drink my blood, but don't you drink anybody's spit!
–W 40th St
NYPD officer to drunk: Sir, the more you move, the more you are going to bleed, and to the more you are going to want to pass out.
–62nd & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Bennett
Suit to hobo: I'm sorry but I can't share a cab with you. Your eyes are bleeding.
–Spring St & Greene
Overheard by: hngryDavy
Vendor to another: I've only washed blood off money once. And I was on so many drugs, and in such a rush…
–Greenmarket, Union Square
Overheard by: Peter Kaufman
Wednesday, the Northernmost One-Liner
40-something UWS mom to six-year-old girl: C'mon, honey, we have to get off here… or else we'll end up in The Bronx. (quietly)I hate it when that happens.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Mader
30-something hipster to another: You know what I love about The Bronx? 18-year-old MILFs.
–Union Square
Thug to friend: The army is like The Bronx of the military, and the marines are like Manhattan.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Vas
Mom carrying lots of bags, with four year old in tow, looking exasperated: Jayden, it's too cold out to carry a turtle from Manhattan to The Bronx!
–109th & Broadway
Overheard by: Meredith