Archive for November, 2012

You Dirty Wednesday One-Liner!

Ghetto black woman, refusing to follow ghetto black man down stairs: I ain't goin' down there and gettin' my ass eatin' by some New York City rats… Lawd no! –R Train MTA construction worker to two small children pointing at rats: That's good food! –Columbus Circle Mother to young son in stroller: Baby boy, this is New York. Theys got rats jumpin' outta garbage cans and gonna eat us. (child screams in terror) –Eastern Pkwy & Bedford Ave Suit to teen girl: There was a guy living in a house with 2,000 rats. They were his pets. Living in his walls, nesting under his tub. If you ever feel like your life is really shitty, watch an episode of Hoarders. –F Train

Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Once…Going Twice…Sold!

Bro, out of SUV window: I sold my ass on Craigslist and I'm proud of it! –5th Ave & Union St, Brooklyn Store clerk: Everyone, listen up. Do not let your children wander around the store. Any unattended children will be sold to Nike. –Costume Shop, Union Square Overheard by: hatalie Thug on subway: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here sellin' candy cause it's better than sellin' drugs. I got snickers, M&Ms… –L Train Overheard by: I'll take the M&M's Hipster to friend: Wait, so the guy who used to sell him blow is now a character witness in his rape case? –Throop Ave & Ellery

Wednesday Shoplifters

Hipster to friend: I'm sorry hon, we can't lift at Shoprite tonight. I just heard that Robbie got caught stealing candles at a cracker barrel. –Staten Island Ferry Yelling hobo, to nobody in particular: If you want to get robbed, go to Macy's. Have your credit cards ready, they'll swipe you! –F Train Overheard by: Ken Angry gap-toothed man waiting for light to change, to no one in particular: Maybe you motherfuckers will learn when we start robbing you! –8th Ave & 26th St Overheard by: Graceful Space 20-something woman on phone: What! They stole your vibrator. What the fuck are they going to do with that? –Q Train Overheard by: Hal

Wednesdays Take the Escalator to the One-Liner Department

Panicking tourist: Where are the stores? –8th Ave & 34th St Angry black woman on cell outside bodega: I'mma 'bout to get all ugly up in this fuckin' store. –St. Nicholas Ave, Harlem Overheard by: Joe Guy arguing with girlfriend: I'm telling you, there's only one reason people go to pet stores! –Park Slope Overheard by: Ladle Tiny old white lady dressed in full-on wool stockings, long knit skirt, long sleeved button down shirt, and sweater in 90 degrees weather, looking at two young black girls next to her wearing super tight tube tops and hoochie shorts: Oh I see we shop at the same store. –Broadway & 12th St Overheard by: cate

It's Like Puerto Rico All Up in Here!

Conversation in spanish:
Mexican #1: I have been working so hard.
Mexican #2: Yes me too, I'm so tired.
Mexican #1: I think I'm moving back home, this city is full of weirdos and it sucks!
Mexican #2: Really? Wow I think me too.
I'm mexican and this really made me laugh : P the exodus back home is starting soon just like that movie "a day without a mexican" –at the 2 train going uptown from the Fulton st station Overheard by: Jenny Arredondo

Probably Shouldn't Send Her Pictures Of My Girlfriend

person 1 "I don't let anybody bring down my day."
person 2. "u crazy. Yeah man. I see all these women walking around with sad faces. Hope their men are treating them right. But then again, it could be their kids driving them crazy. U treat your woman right? I hope u do. But your divorced, so I don't know." –140th St & Willis Ave Overheard by: Danny

…Did You See Her Shoes?!

sat next to a table where there is a husband and wife having drinks and a very beautiful woman walks by.
Husband said: "holy crap honey, I am going to look at this woman… She looks like a model, please don't be mad!"
Wife said: "don't worry … I am looking too!" –Local Bar -11 E. 36th St

“Settling:” Defined

Man: Look honey, our first date! *points to china chalet*.
Woman: Ugh, should've been the last. –Broadway and Morris St. Overheard by: Stephanie

Talk About Slippery Slope Arguments

spoken as man is doing up his pants in the middle of the street. "yeah I ate her pussy while she was on her period, but it was the last day."
"dude, she's your second cousin."
"yeah but she's hot. You'd fuck your first cousin if she was hot, but your cousin isn't hot." –Bleecker Street & Thompson Street Overheard by: Tamara

…I'll Just Remove My Pants, Instead

Girl #1: It's so hot in here! I wanna take off my shirt!
Girl #2: (laughing) so take it off.
Girl #1: I didn't mean it like that, I have a tank top underneath.
Girl #2: So take it off.
Girl #1: No! I'm not wearing a bra. –Queens College library