Archive for November, 2012

Wednesday One-Liners Play Well with Others.

Hipster to friend: Bagel just texted me. He wants to know if he can play ukulele on your roof.

–10th St & Ave B

Train conductor: Oh, hell no. I know you're not gonna get on my train and start playing those instruments. Those aren't even instruments. What is that, a bucket? If you start playing that, I will kick you off my train. Did you get that? I'd better not hear you making any noise. (pause) Good. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–2 Train

Crazy old man wearing chucks and drinking a Pepsi: Can't play no flute, can't play no fife, can't play no saxophone, can't play no violin… Jesus died for our sins. Did you do that? Do you understand me or am I speaking Chinese?

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Meaghan

Wigger guy on Bluetooth: I shouldn't have said "pianist," man, it sounded like "penis."

–1 Train

Overheard by: Adam

The Wednesday One-Liner Will See You Now

Hobo: Now nobody ever heard of a person, animal, fish, or even an insect die from dope. Here's a piece of advice–you find a doctor who prescribes you marijuana and that's the doctor you keep for the rest of your life.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Confused Girl

Suit on cell: Just because he is a doctor and she is his patient, doesn't mean he can be arrested for sexual harassment.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: A.J. F.

Child who just got hit on the head by a wiffleball bat: Oww! I need a CAT scan! I need a CAT scan!

–Central Park

Slovenly dude: "Medical environment," my ass! Anus is anus!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

It's Like Puerto Rico All Up in Here!

Conversation in spanish:
Mexican #1: I have been working so hard.

Mexican #2: Yes me too, I'm so tired.
Mexican #1: I think I'm moving back home, this city is full of weirdos and it sucks!
Mexican #2: Really? Wow I think me too.
I'm mexican and this really made me laugh : P the exodus back home is starting soon just like that movie "a day without a mexican"

–at the 2 train going uptown from the Fulton st station

Overheard by: Jenny Arredondo

Probably Shouldn't Send Her Pictures Of My Girlfriend

person 1 "I don't let anybody bring down my day."
person 2. "u crazy. Yeah man. I see all these women walking around with sad faces. Hope their men are treating them right. But then again, it could be their kids driving them crazy. U treat your woman right? I hope u do. But your divorced, so I don't know."

–140th St & Willis Ave

Overheard by: Danny

…Did You See Her Shoes?!

sat next to a table where there is a husband and wife having drinks and a very beautiful woman walks by.
Husband said
: "holy crap honey, I am going to look at this woman… She looks like a model, please don't be mad!"

Wife said: "don't worry … I am looking too!"

–Local Bar -11 E. 36th St

“Settling:” Defined

Man: Look honey, our first date! *points to china chalet*.
Woman: Ugh, should've been the last.

–Broadway and Morris St.

Overheard by: Stephanie

Talk About Slippery Slope Arguments

spoken as man is doing up his pants in the middle of the street. "yeah I ate her pussy while she was on her period, but it was the last day."
"dude, she's your second cousin."
"yeah but she's hot. You'd fuck your first cousin if she was hot, but your cousin isn't hot."

–Bleecker Street & Thompson Street

Overheard by: Tamara

…I'll Just Remove My Pants, Instead

Girl #1: It's so hot in here! I wanna take off my shirt!
Girl #2: (laughing) so take it off.
Girl #1: I didn't mean it like that, I have a tank top underneath.
Girl #2: So take it off.
Girl #1: No! I'm not wearing a bra.

–Queens College library

Oh, Leave Jeff Goldblum Alone.

two twentyish girls walking and talking.
Girl #1
: Would I be afraid to meet him in a dark alley? (pause) no.

Girl #2: I would.

–20th between Park & Broadway

Overheard by: Farley

Pettiness and Backbiting, for Example

Cop #1: So she took her break around noon and I didn't see her back out here again 'til #2: 15.
Cop #2: That's some shit, specially on a day this crazy.
Cop #1: I can't believe that bitch is going to clock some overtime for today!
Cop #2: So messed up, some things never change.

–Foley Square (9/17/12 about 8pm)

Overheard by: Nate