Archive for December, 2012

Sister Mary Catherine Will Be Disappointed

two middle-aged guys walking down the street.
Guy #1
: Yes I can!

Guy #2: No you can't! You're not supposed to have sex with your sister.

–Cortelyou Road & 17th Street, Ditmas Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jason

Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill

Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Christine

: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Skye

: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.

–54th St between 9th & 10th

Media scholar
: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.

–20th & 8th

I’ll Wait and Give It to the Kid

Lady hobo: Hey, y’all, I’m homeless and I’m three months pregnant, and I’m looking for some help from the people of this train, so if anybody got some money they want to give, please help me take care of my baby.
College girl with change: I’ll give you this money if you’re saving up for an abortion.
Lady hobo: What? Nooo, I’m keeepin’ my baby.
College girl, putting change away: Okay, then.
Lady hobo: Wait, what?

–F train

In Person, Miley and Billy Ray Are Pretty Much What You'd Expect.

Guy, on Nextel: Hey, honey.
Girl, on other end of Nextel: Dad, I'm pissed! I think he's cheating on me.
Guy: Why do you say that?
Girl: Cause my vagina is itchy and red.
Guy: Well, maybe you should go get checked.
Girl: But dad, what should I do?
Guy: Honey, let me call you back, I'm about to pay the cashier… call you in a little.

–33rd & Madison

Overheard by: OZoNE

Would You Prefer “Dismounting”?

Bus driver: (to passenger standing near door) are you getting off?
Random old man: (mutters) I don't like those two words, "getting off."

–Q33 bus

Not Exactly American Girl, Honey

Elementary-aged girl to her mother, upon seeing an ad atop a passing cab: "wow, mom, new york dolls! Can we go?"
Mom: "uh… No."

–Duane St. and Hudson St.

Cultural Imperialism? Discuss.

Older lady #1: Now who builds an art gallery in the middle of the ghetto??
Older lady #2: White people.

–Myrtle and Tompkins Ave. in Bedstuy

Overheard by: Matt Dallow

This Guy Has the Soul Of a Poet

Russian man staring out window (said to no one in particular): I told you, lying stupid beyotch, trying to turn tables around!! You got no brains, no balls, butthead! Do what you do best and go screw yourself, butthead!!! And do it with devotion, shittyhead!!!! I'll break your knees and make you jump through manhattan like a grasshopper, ball-less shithead! You have ball-less diarrhea of your mouth and global constipation of your brain! Five years in the school of life and you still don't know, butthead! You talk too much. That is how you became as stupid as you are, butthead. No time for thoughts!! You have two butts instead of head… Fart knocker butt mouth!!!
*note to overheard in ny staff: This was said in a constant stream with very few breaks. I was relaying what nuggets I could to a friend via text message because they were pure gold. I realize this is a long quote, though. Feel free to edit as necessary.*.

–Q Train