Archive for December, 2012

Like That He's a Republican?

still drunk on the way to work.
Dude #1
: I am so hungover right now.

Dude #2: Me too dude.
Dude #1: Come to think of it, I think I am still drunk.
Dude #2: Me too, this is going to suck.
Dude #1: Know what? Im ready for this shit. I mean im drunk but I feel totally ready for work. I mean, I could do math right now. Give me any math problem and ill do it. Algebra, geometry, doesn't matter. I might be drunk, but I can definitely do math.
Dude #2: I just got the most amazing book ever.
Dude #1: Yeah? What is it?
Dude #2: Its called the truth about chuck norris and its just allll chuck norris jokes.

–Manhattan Bound J train, 7:30am


And Don't Even Get Me Started on Peter Pansexual

Dad: "kermit frogs? You mean kermit the frog?"
Little girl: "no…(pause)… Hermit frogs."
Dad: "hermit frogs? I've never heard of them."
Little girl: "yeah! They're both a boy and a girl at the same time!"

–LaGuardia International Airport


Nobody Puts Baby Next to the Crackhead.

Crackhead boyfriend on subway, talking to random baby: Baby, how you doin' today? You like bein' a baby? I got a baby right there.
Crackhead girlfriend, completing crossword puzzle: Whas fo' lettas and is the middle of a egg? It can't be "yolk" cuz then it don't work with "wisdom" cause "yolk" don't have a "e" in it.
Crackhead boyfriend, to baby: Baby, she crazy. Crack! It's a beautiful day.

–5 train in the Bronx

Overheard by: what in the hell just happened?


…Who Are You Raping Lately?

1 coworker behind a partition: I like your new beard.
2nd coworker behind partition: Thanks, I look like a magician who rapes, I'm a rapey magician.
1 coworker: I haven't seen you in a while.

–the office building, 50th and 6th

Overheard by: pantsy


To the Smartphone, Batman!

Preppy kid to fellow preppy kids: "oh, man, I didn't realize jet li was still alive!"
Preppy friend: "who?"
Preppy kid: "you know, jet li. That asian… Karate… Guy."
Preppy friend: "you mean bruce lee?"
Preppy kid: "… No…"

–Queens-bound R Train

Overheard by: Kate


Partial Credit

Little boy #1: Can I get a what what!?
Little boy #2: What?

–116th and Lexington Ave, laundromat


When “All the Games I Want” = 0

Guy #1: But I don't need a subscription. I'm illegally streaming all the football games I want!
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Through what?
Guy #1: The internet!

–Heidelberg at 86th and 2nd