Archive for 2012

Whine N' Crackas

Guy after hanging up phone: Sorry about that. I scheduled a phone meeting with my therapist.
Black lady sitting next to him the whole time: Oh, it's all good. I had no idea white people had those kinds of problems! –McDonald's Overheard by: Clark

Wednesday One-Liners Face Stiff Competition

Man to woman: Males are hard-wired for stupidity. If there were no females around we'd be totally stupid. If there was nobody left on the planet but men, I'd kill myself. –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox Man to stranger next to him: I am going to go get a Shasta and kill myself. You'll probably never see me again. –LIRR Overheard by: Adam Freeman Fat hobo : They will kill you. Their birth certificate says female, but they are really a man… Secret agent man! –E Train Overheard by: Rocco Macri Man on phone: The thing is, I got a killer deal on the coffin. –Brooklyn

“In Heaven There Is No Wednesday One-Liner”

Dude: So he was like "you're terrible, all you do is drink. You drink all day." All day you drink? Me? I just smoke crack once a day and I'm done. –30th Ave, Astoria Overheard by: gman 20-something white hipster rolling up onto sidewalk with pizza delivery bike: Yeah man, I got a job 'cuz if I'm working I can't get wasted all day, and that's better for my motivation. –Bedford & N 9th, Williamsburg PA: Can the person who left liquor and a cane on the San Juan flight please report back to the gate? –JFK Airport Overheard by: sbbEZas123 Art school girl to friend in the street: I like to get drunk and draw. –Pratt Institute

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name.

Jewish guy: Who's the Alan Greenspan of nipples? –Union Square Random passerby in deep cinematic voice to elderly white gentleman in tux and bow tie: Bond! James Bond. –14th & 6th Overheard by: melanie Clueless teenage girl: Wait–Marilyn Monroe committed suicide? When did that happen? –MOMA, at Warhol's portraits of Marilyn Monroe Student to friend: It's like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but with kosher. –Columbia University Overheard by: But bacon isn't kosher…

A Wednesday's One-Liner Is His Castle

20-something guy to another: I had no idea that guy was living in our house, no clue! –E14th St Lady in crosswalk: Oh, the earth is not my home… –Fordham Road Guy handing out am ny: If you don't want to read it, use it as an umbrella! Just take it from me, cause I want to go home! –32nd & Broadway Overheard by: erkala Teen boy, after subway dance performance: Just keep in mind, people, we could've been doing something else–like robbing your house; you're not at home. Just a joke, people. –Cortlandt Subway Station Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Hot girl on cell: Mom, I would rather shit in my pants than go to Bloomingdales right now. –2nd Ave & 17th St Bearded hipster dude to giggling girlfriend: But poop sounds aren't even realistic! –R Train, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle Father to young son: I would hold your hand, but it's got bird poop on it! –5th Ave & Lexington Tall woman on phone: I'm an adult orphan; both my parents is dead. D. E. A. D. Dead. So don't you try to tell me nothin, mothafucka, you ain't ma fatha, cause he dead. I'll have yo shit in black glad bags outside quicka than you can say "orphan…" –Fulton St. Brooklyn Overheard by: rick

Wednesday Bun-in-the-Oven Liners

Man to young, female relative: Girl, you woke up out the womb with messed up hair. –Brooklyn Flea Market, Williamsburg Overheard by: So that's the new way of saying Guy on cell: Bitch, I don't live with none of my babies mommas. –Columbus Circle Dude yelling across the street: I heard you knocked my woman up?! You knock my bitch up, mothafucka!? (long pause) Congratulations, man! (goes across the street and shakes hand) –Clinton & Houston Overheard by: Sarah Ghetto fab to another: She's my baby girl, but that doesn't mean I won't smack the shit out of her. –Park Place & Underhill Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Wish Gabriel Byrne Were Their Shrink

Girl to her workout buddy: I met someone amazing, he's charming, educated and bipolar… –Palladium Gym, NYU Overheard by: isis Guy to stranger next to him: Hey, what's your stop? Where do you work? I'll walk with you there. I want you to introduce me to some people. I'm new in town. I suffer from schizophrenia. Are you a counselor? I need counseling. –2 Train Overheard by: Richard Woman on phone: I swear to god, that concussion she got has driven her out of her mind. –12th St & 3rd Ave White woman with hoodie, approaching famous actor: Ohmigod! Ohmigod! You're the Asian guy from SVU! You're the shrink kind of actor! Right!? Ohmigod! Can I have an autograph for my son, he really loves the show and he's in college for psychiatry. –Grand Central Station

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Up the Rear

20-something girl on phone: So I said, stick it in my arse and then we'll talk business! –Central Park Overheard by: Ken Adams Drag queen: Give me a bathroom, a bar of soap, and some lube and I'm good to go. Hold my cheeze doodles. –2nd Ave Cross-dresser, stumbling down steps with man out of apartment building: That really hurt my ass! –Brooklyn Overheard by: D 20-something hot girt to friend: We're not even Facebook friends… She can't just be talking to me about anal beads. –PATH Train