Archive for 2012

If You Prick a Wednesday, Does He Not One-Liner?

Flamboyant male receptionist on front-desk phone: You can drink my blood, but don't you drink anybody's spit! –W 40th St NYPD officer to drunk: Sir, the more you move, the more you are going to bleed, and to the more you are going to want to pass out. –62nd & Columbus Overheard by: Andrew Bennett Suit to hobo: I'm sorry but I can't share a cab with you. Your eyes are bleeding. –Spring St & Greene Overheard by: hngryDavy Vendor to another: I've only washed blood off money once. And I was on so many drugs, and in such a rush… –Greenmarket, Union Square Overheard by: Peter Kaufman

Wednesday, the Northernmost One-Liner

40-something UWS mom to six-year-old girl: C'mon, honey, we have to get off here… or else we'll end up in The Bronx. (quietly)I hate it when that happens. –3 Train Overheard by: Mader 30-something hipster to another: You know what I love about The Bronx? 18-year-old MILFs. –Union Square Thug to friend: The army is like The Bronx of the military, and the marines are like Manhattan. –1 Train Overheard by: Vas Mom carrying lots of bags, with four year old in tow, looking exasperated: Jayden, it's too cold out to carry a turtle from Manhattan to The Bronx! –109th & Broadway Overheard by: Meredith

Wednesday One-Liners Are Huge in Japan.

Old man: My wife is 389 pounds. And that's on the weekend. This woman tried to eat 37 hamburgers and a Diet Coke. –A Train Overheard by: CAC Baby from the Glebe Guy to friends, watching half-dressed chubby girl walk by: I like my brown sugar oatmeal lumpy… Like that… Dammmmmn! –Penn Station Overheard by: Charlotte Mother to teen daughter: I was surprised that there were not more overweight people at the chocolate show. –50th St College girl to another: That was the first time I slept with a 300 lb Russian man. –7th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jake Fogelnest Cashier to another: Naw, girl, not fat Rochelle… fat *Tiffany*! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle

“Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, Who's the Wednesday One-Linerest Of Them All?”

Woman to man behind deli counter: And please don't make my sandwich skinny. As you can see, I'm a voluptuous woman. –Deli, East Flatbush Overheard by: Just on my lunch break… Tall, skinny employee to gaggle of tall, skinny coworkers: Yeah, whenever I'm feeling bad about myself, I like to go to Las Vegas. When I'm there, I'm like, "I'm the prettiest, skinniest girl here!" (pause) There are, like, all these fat women in tights walking around… –Spring & Crosby Woman to friend: She's legitimaly anorexic. –Spring St Overheard by: francyne pelchar Typical smiling NYU female to girl, loudly in crowded area: Hi, sweetie, you look great! The swelling has all gone down… Almost… –NYU Campus Overheard by: Olivia Joy

Bringing Up Wednesday One-Liner

Woman to young crying son: Come here, man. Come over here. Come on! (to passing woman) Excuse me, miss, do you want that baby over there? –103rd St & Amsterdam Ave Teen to others: In honor of black history month, I'm getting all black girls pregnant. –Times Square Overheard by: Saurabh Woman on cell: No, well, his babymom–one of his babymoms, he got 10 kids, you know–well anyway, they're living together now. (pause) No, but they ain't together like that! You don't understand. It's that she's got a heart condition. She's not doing well, so he moved in 'cause the baby only like two or three years old. He's going to be like a helping hand if she goes into the hospital permanently. Yeah, yeah… I know, it's too bad, 'cause I really had feelings for him, but everything happens for a reason, you know? –188th St & Arthur Ave Six-year-old boy: Whose baby is this? She's ruining our foundation! –Sunnyside Gardens Park