Archive for 2012

There's a 20% Probability I'll Let You Do That.

Cashier: This coupon gives you 20% off your entire purchase.
Customer: That's not what I want! I want 20% off each item!
Cashier: I think that's the same thing, ma'am.
Customer: You think you're smart. I want to talk to a manager. –Bed Bath & Beyond, Brooklyn

…Got Two Friends?

Student #1: Did you know that Gene Simmons has had sex with like, 4,600 women?
Student #2: Wow… That's like three more than me! –Marymount Manhattan College, Java City Overheard by: Fairymount Manheaven

But We're Jewish, Ephraim!

Ditzy 20-something to boyfriend: Is Easter on Sunday? Because my sister said it is. (several moments go by) I think I'll google it
Boyfriend: That's pathetic. –W Train Overheard by: the girl sitting next to you who facepalmed

Okay Then– Same Time Tomorrow?

Gold tooth guy: Excuse me, you speak English?
Suit, walking dog: Yes. (laughing)
Gold tooth guy: Okay, I mean you look somebody who don't speak English.
Suit: Right, I understand.
Gold tooth guy: Hey, you know anybody need some names and social security numbers?
Suit: No.
Gold tooth guy: Cause I got like 530 of them.
Suit: Okay.
Gold tooth guy: You a cop.
Suit, laughing: No.
Gold tooth guy: I'm just saying, cause…
Suit: I know, a white guy in this neighborhood… a lot of people ask me.
Gold tooth guy, stepping closer and looking at dog: He don't bite, do he?
Suit: No man, you're good.
Gold tooth guy: You need a phone. (produces phone)
Suit: No.
Gold tooth guy: Not this one, you know.
Suit: Right.
Gold tooth guy: No problem. (pause) Look, you got some change?
Suit: No, man. Sorry. –Brooklyn

Is Anyone Else Secretly Disappointed They Never Did a Second Season Of Amish in the City?

Manager to checkout ladies, who are all together up front and fighting: Please, people are around, for god's sakes… Listen, I'm speaking now. Please.
(checkout ladies continue to argue in foreign language and fighting goes on, while in the background playing softly is the Debbie Boone hit “You Light Up My Life.”) –Amish Market, Midtown Overheard by: Mark

The Best Part Is, It Wasn't Halloween.

(guy gets on train wearing a suit with a giant AIG name tag and carrying a stuffed garbage bag marked with $$ signs)
Guy sitting by door: Hey, man, is that your Halloween costume or did you just get off work?
AIG guy: Nah man, I'm just coming from work. Wanted to bring home a little of my cash, you know, in case I wanted to buy something tonight. –Downtown 6 Train

No Wonder I'm Getting Hungary.

Child, reading overhead sign: R train local to Austria.
Mom: That says “Astoria,” son. –R Train Overheard by: Acacia

It's So Cute That You Think Brooklyn Is Part Of NY

Man: No, you're a hipster!
Hipster chick: No I'm not!
Man: Yes you are! I've decided, anyone who moves to New York and wasn't born in New York is a hipster–using up my resources!
Hipster chick: (giggles) –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Overheard by: Kris

Why You Guys Always Gotta Ride Me?

(NYU hip kid in $2,000 bike grabs the seatpost of passing messenger's bike, attempting to get a hand accelerating)
Messenger: What the fuck are you doing?
NYU hip kid: Tough city man, we gotta stick together!
Messenger: We? (laughs) –MacDougal & W4th Overheard by: Nick