Archive for 2012

Some Tasteful and Understated Wednesday One-Liners.

Teenage girl: I taste like fish.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Murphy

Pants-less girl: I miss having taste buds.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Victoria

Young girl to young man: Have you ever tasted ass?

–42nd St & Vanderbilt Ave

Overheard by: mon

Guy: I don't have to taste it, I know it's gonna be bad! And I know that because you never ask me to taste anything good.

–St. Mark's Place


Wednesday One-Liners *Hic*

College girl to another: I knew you were drunk because every time you opened a beer can you said a Snapple fact.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

Mom with stroller to another: Am I the only one who thinks being a stay-at-home mom makes you a raging alcoholic? I mean… What else are you supposed to do with your time?

–Astoria

Overheard by: kfowler

White suit to black suit: So we're getting drunk at the wake, or what?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Old polish guy to another: You know what's good for you? If you drink vodka, but you don't drink it straight early in the morning. . .

–Greenpoint

Girl: I didn't know if we had the vibe, and I was too drunk…

–Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: non-gay NYU guy

Edison contractor to coworker: Johnny with the MTA? That fuck is drunk every night–and he works on the third rail!

–Jones & Bleecker

Overheard by: Sasha


Wednesday Chum-Liners

Lady to stranger petting her dog: He's great. I like him more than I like my friends.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Emm

Basketball teen to friend, on girl who betrayed a best friend: We're still friends on Facebook, but we not friends on Twitter.

–5 Train

Girl to friend: We're not really dating, we're not really friends either, we have a sexual acquaintanceship.

–Washington Pl & Green

Overheard by: Tiny-T

Young woman throwing her arm around older woman, clearly her mother: Let's be friends!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Laura


Once Upon a Time in Wednesday One-Liner…

Bag lady: The Republicans are trying to regain power by removing all the African Americans and replacing them with Latinos.

–Jamaica LIRR Station

Woman to boyfriend: You know, I'm really glad I met you instead of a Mexican.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: true romantic

Asian girl on phone with her mother: He's not a regular Hispanic, you know, he speaks English, recycles, and likes museums.

–Washington Square Park

Lady at shop: Are you Mexican? My ex was Mexican. He was shorter than me, but I loved him. Until he stabbed someone. (pause) Sweetheart, I need a lot of napkins–I don't have my top teeth.

–President & Smith


Wednesday 1492-Liners

20-something girl to friend: Who is Andrew Jackson and why is there a bloody musical about him?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Meredith

40-something suit on cell: I vaguely remember who won World War II.

–14th St & 1st Ave

20-something dude, talking to couple: I'm not sure if I want to go out with her. She has the kind of STDs that Ben Franklin had.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ducky

Early Modern Europe professor: Atheism during the renaissance in France was much like modern day marijuana use in America. You could get in trouble for it, but most likely won't.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Nessya


Say Whaaa???day One-Liners

Australian tourist: You're so jellin' that I'm so ballah, and I'm so ballah that I'm heaps cool berries.

–4th Ave & 61st St

Overheard by: American Slang at it's finest

Angry suit on cell: I can sue you for defecation of character!

–Midtown

Overheard by: Joseph Firine

Teen on cell: To is or not to is, yoh? To is or not to is? What'z it gonna be, my n'ger?

–Union Square

Adamant teen to another: It's pretty straightforward: it's a 'win, loose' situation!

–Macy's, 34st & Broadway

Overheard by: Isis

20-something to friend: She says she does what she pleases. "Pleases" ain't even a fuckin word!

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Mollie


Little Shop Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to another, in line of men waiting for their wives: The amount of commerce that takes place in this store is unbelievable.

–J Crew, SoHo

Overheard by: jangbang

Ghetto tween to friends: Yo, I want a girl that look like she just come out of Urban Outfitters… Dude, that's my dream girl.

–The Bronx

Overheard by: wink

Obnoxious student: I don't have time to go to Old Navy and buy myself a t-shirt!

–NYU

Mother to child in the check-out line: If your father asks, this was on sale.

–Toys R Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Emily G.


Wednesday Isn't Street or Book One-Liner

Naked guy to fellow naked guy, about boss: He's so dumb! Why won't natural selection just step in and make him walk in front of a bus?

–Wall Street New York Sports Club

Irate black man on cell: I love you, but you're fuckin stupid.

–32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Guy: She's really intelligent, but also really stupid.

–St. Mark's Place

Guy: People see me in a nursing uniform and they expect me to help. But I have a philosophy: stupid people deserve to die.

–Astor Place


Cleanseday One-Liners

Old guy to young couple, upon departing train: Have a good night, don't do anything I wouldn't do, and if you do, wash your hair!

–L Train

Overheard by: Stefan

Little boy to mom: Do you think Mr Obama showers every day?

–112th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hopefully

Children's book author, earnestly: I just want to give Neil Gaiman a shower.

–9th & 36th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Sanitary worker cleaning street: Fuck that shit.

–49th & 6th

Overheard by: NYUer