Archive for 2012

Just Keep a Clean Colon and This Job Could Be Yours

Jogging girl: I could see you being a bottom if you had anal sex.
Jogging guy: What? Why?!
Jogging girl: Oh, just 'cause you'd be new at it.
Jogging guy: It's not, like, an internship!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle


Bartenders Love Playing “Just the Tip”

Dude #1: There has to be a way to flirt with a busy bartender that doesn't piss her off.
Dude #2: We just need to find out where all the cute bartenders hang out when they're not working and get jobs bartending there.

–74th & Amsterdam


…And It Inhibits Competition

Preppie-looking guy to cougar: So how come you're not with your #1 toy boy tonight?
Cougar: I don't give my toy boys numbers. I'm not that jaded.

–Harry's, Hanover Square


Wednesday One-Liners Walk It Off.

Mom to son in power chair: Just hurry up and pee, no-one's lookin. Plus, you in the corner… (now yelling) Hurry up, I gotsta sit down, I've been walkin all day while you been sittin down.

–32nd & 8th

Overheard by: Rick

Man to gaggle of laughing women: So I hit the dog in the head with my bag. I was like, "this is a sidewalk, not a dog walk!" and my bag was heavy!

–Carmine St

Girl on phone: They be walkin' like a… like a trannsexual! (friend slaps her) I be serious! That's how they walk!

–St. Marks b/w 1st & Ave A

Girl to friend: Her vagina must smell, because she walks with her legs so close together.

–Starbucks

Mother to 10-year-old boy strutting alongside: Stop it! Walk right! Walk right! This isn't the hood; it's Stuyvesant Town!

–Inside Stuyvesant Town

High school girl to a group of friends: I don't shake my ass when I walk! I just have a jiggly butt!

–Forest Hills


Scratch-n'-Sniff Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk girl to guy: That smells like ass… But I am not ungrateful.

–Riverside & 109th

Overheard by: Antonia

Loud Barnard girl: Oh my god, smell my butt!

–Barnard

College guy: Yes, I washed. You always think my grundle smells like tuna fish and I've come to accept that. I refuse to take another shower.

–McBurney YMCA

Woman on cell: So then I found out that this bitch is forty-seven years old! I was like, 'damn bitch, you old, how you smell like that?'

–Fordham Road


Wednesday One-Liners Look Nothing Like Demi Moore

NYU professor: I hate to break it to you, but there are ugly strippers. Go to Jersey City. There are ugly strippers.

–Waverly & Mercer

Guy to friend: I didn't say I wanted white strippers, I said I wanted girls with big booties, big boobies and beautiful eyes…

–Q Train

Sorostitute at nearby table: I was like, 'the strip-o-gram is a one time thing.'

–Junior's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Flaming teenage gay boy: So she calls me and says, "my stripper friend's boyfriend is lost in Queens." And I'm like, "What?! One, why are you hanging out with a 21-year-old stripper, and two, why was he in Queens?

–In Line for Something Corporate

Overheard by: Can you spot the pun here?


Wednesday One-Liners on the Rack

Girl: If you had a foam roller, I would totally come over to your place and foam roll my boobies.

–Union Square

Disembodied female voice: Cause I'm wearing a bra! (female chorus of laughs)

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something man to another: I just got run over by a pair of 38 DDs!

–Penn Station

Suit to buddy: I know there were colors, but I'd rather have titties.

–Lafayettte & Canal

Overheard by: Walked faster to chortle on time


Wednesday One-Liners, After a Fashion.

Girl in boots to girl in Uggs: Try to switch it up. Like, if you wear boots with heels on Monday, wear Uggs on Tuesday.

–9th St

Man to security guard who has just accused him of shoplifting: This is a $1,700 jacket I'm wearing.

–Fordham Rd & Valentine Ave

College student: I'm not only clueless. Now I'm also shoeless.

–70th and west end

Overheard by: johnylagenteestamuyloca

Woman to friends: Do you think anybody has said the phrase 'toddler boobie tassels' before?

–36th & 6th

Overheard by: BAM