Archive for 2012

Your Editors Regret Missing That Party

Old man, as lightning crashes overhead: Well, I guess all we can say is: to lightning and lesbians.
Old woman walking with him: To lightning and lesbians!

–13th St & 5th Ave


Not Enough Explosions?

Guy: This summer is going to suck. I hate going to the movies.
Girl: Not, it's not! And going to the movies is awesome.
Guy: You know what I like? Swinging! Threesomes! Like that time it was me, you, and Stacey. That was awesome. Not the freaking movies!

–35th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Melissa


Whine N' Crackas

Guy after hanging up phone: Sorry about that. I scheduled a phone meeting with my therapist.
Black lady sitting next to him the whole time: Oh, it's all good. I had no idea white people had those kinds of problems!

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Clark


Wednesday One-Liners Face Stiff Competition

Man to woman: Males are hard-wired for stupidity. If there were no females around we'd be totally stupid. If there was nobody left on the planet but men, I'd kill myself.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Man to stranger next to him: I am going to go get a Shasta and kill myself. You'll probably never see me again.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Freeman

Fat hobo : They will kill you. Their birth certificate says female, but they are really a man… Secret agent man!

–E Train

Overheard by: Rocco Macri

Man on phone: The thing is, I got a killer deal on the coffin.

–Brooklyn


“In Heaven There Is No Wednesday One-Liner”

Dude: So he was like "you're terrible, all you do is drink. You drink all day." All day you drink? Me? I just smoke crack once a day and I'm done.

–30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: gman

20-something white hipster rolling up onto sidewalk with pizza delivery bike: Yeah man, I got a job 'cuz if I'm working I can't get wasted all day, and that's better for my motivation.

–Bedford & N 9th, Williamsburg

PA: Can the person who left liquor and a cane on the San Juan flight please report back to the gate?

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: sbbEZas123

Art school girl to friend in the street: I like to get drunk and draw.

–Pratt Institute


Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name.

Jewish guy: Who's the Alan Greenspan of nipples?

–Union Square

Random passerby in deep cinematic voice to elderly white gentleman in tux and bow tie: Bond! James Bond.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: melanie

Clueless teenage girl: Wait–Marilyn Monroe committed suicide? When did that happen?

–MOMA, at Warhol's portraits of Marilyn Monroe

Student to friend: It's like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but with kosher.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: But bacon isn't kosher…


A Wednesday's One-Liner Is His Castle

20-something guy to another: I had no idea that guy was living in our house, no clue!

–E14th St

Lady in crosswalk: Oh, the earth is not my home…

–Fordham Road

Guy handing out am ny: If you don't want to read it, use it as an umbrella! Just take it from me, cause I want to go home!

–32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: erkala

Teen boy, after subway dance performance: Just keep in mind, people, we could've been doing something else–like robbing your house; you're not at home. Just a joke, people.

–Cortlandt Subway Station

Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli


A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Hot girl on cell: Mom, I would rather shit in my pants than go to Bloomingdales right now.

–2nd Ave & 17th St

Bearded hipster dude to giggling girlfriend: But poop sounds aren't even realistic!

–R Train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Father to young son: I would hold your hand, but it's got bird poop on it!

–5th Ave & Lexington

Tall woman on phone: I'm an adult orphan; both my parents is dead. D. E. A. D. Dead. So don't you try to tell me nothin, mothafucka, you ain't ma fatha, cause he dead. I'll have yo shit in black glad bags outside quicka than you can say "orphan…"

–Fulton St. Brooklyn

Overheard by: rick


Wednesday Bun-in-the-Oven Liners

Man to young, female relative: Girl, you woke up out the womb with messed up hair.

–Brooklyn Flea Market, Williamsburg

Overheard by: So that's the new way of saying

Guy on cell: Bitch, I don't live with none of my babies mommas.

–Columbus Circle

Dude yelling across the street: I heard you knocked my woman up?! You knock my bitch up, mothafucka!? (long pause) Congratulations, man! (goes across the street and shakes hand)

–Clinton & Houston

Overheard by: Sarah

Ghetto fab to another: She's my baby girl, but that doesn't mean I won't smack the shit out of her.

–Park Place & Underhill Ave


Wednesday One-Liners Wish Gabriel Byrne Were Their Shrink

Girl to her workout buddy: I met someone amazing, he's charming, educated and bipolar…

–Palladium Gym, NYU

Overheard by: isis

Guy to stranger next to him: Hey, what's your stop? Where do you work? I'll walk with you there. I want you to introduce me to some people. I'm new in town. I suffer from schizophrenia. Are you a counselor? I need counseling.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Richard

Woman on phone: I swear to god, that concussion she got has driven her out of her mind.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

White woman with hoodie, approaching famous actor: Ohmigod! Ohmigod! You're the Asian guy from SVU! You're the shrink kind of actor! Right!? Ohmigod! Can I have an autograph for my son, he really loves the show and he's in college for psychiatry.

–Grand Central Station