Archive for 2012

Wednestalksday One-Liners

Gay boy: He actually MySpace stalked me. You know, when MySpace was Facebook.

–48th & 6th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy: Yeah, well, at least your restraining order just ended.

–Christopher & Hudson

Overheard by: The Yak

Guy complaining loudly to group of friends: And then you've got all these girls dogging you! Like, "let's go bang! Let's go bang!" and then…

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on phone outside of restaurant: Hi. This is Steve. I'm the one that stalked you.

–Greenwich Village


Venus De Milo's Missing Wednesday One-Liners

Construction worker to another: Do you use your arms at work?

–Utica/Eastern Parkway

Chick to friend: Vanity, when you let go of that pole, don't touch your face!

–2 Train

Suit to another: My dick is cleaner than Penn Station.

–Penn Station

Teen girl: He loved me, I used to poke his fat!

–F Train


Chefsday One-Liners

Man on cell: I mean, what's there to be happy about, it's Panera bread! She spent the little money she did make on cupcakes, that fat bitch!

–NYU

40-something woman: Can I get a plain bagel, microwaved, with cream cheese. Thank you.

–Lenny's Bagels, Broadway & 98th

Overheard by: Rstarr

Queeny teen to friend: Oh my god, can you believe we've been here for two weeks and we still haven't had breakfast at Tiffany's?

–Broadway & 79th St

Overheard by: SOS

Gay guy to fag hag: I would suck a dick right now for a taco.

–Rusty Knot, West Village

Overheard by: caitlin


Siri Says: “I've Found Some Wednesday One-Liners Fairly Close to You.”

Helpful guy to tourist family: You're a mile away from 42nd Street. It's twenty blocks to the south.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Teen girl: Hey, are we still in Manhattan?

–Penn Station

Tourist man on cell: I'm the corner of Al-banee and Green-which… (pause) Al-banee and Green-which.

–Near 9/11 Memorial

Girl on cell in the middle of Central Park: Yeah, where is it? (pause) 47th and 9th? Okay, we can be there soon, we're on 76th and Madison.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: minuterie


Did You Ever Wish Mr. Potato Head Had Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman on phone: So I said 'that dick is off limits.' That's just how it is.

–Brooklyn

Teen on cell: So, I put my heel into some guy's balls last night…

–Canal & Bowery

Jamaican man to friends: No, Mon! Some guys like breasts and other guys like butts, Mon.

–Near Grand Central

Suit to friend, watching hot girl getting off enormous 4×4: How the hell am I supposed to make a world's smallest penis joke now!

–Sheepshead Bay

Overheard by: MistressSilver


Recreational Wednesday One-Liners

College student: I'd never done cocaine, but I was like 'I gotta get out of here!' I mean, I'm from North Carolina, you know.

–46th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Evan

Suit: As god is my witness on crack!

–Q Train

Overheard by: radkins

Hobo, mumbling to himself: Shit, I just wanna buy weed, it's gonna be legal anyway.

–Amsterdam & 96th

Hobo, to himself: I'll get on the subway as long as I'm stoned and no one touches me.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: JS


Some Clothes-Minded Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy on cell: I think the divorce party was probably unnecessary. (pause) And her stabbing the cake! (pause) No, I don't feel sorry for her having that drink tossed in her face! (pause) You gonna talk about my clothes when you still wear colored contacts?

–St. Mark's Church

Guy to friends: He set himself up for a fall because he had some big shoes to fill. I mean, they were his own shoes, but still…

–37th & 8th

Dad to little girl: No accessorizing until we get on the train.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: jessica

Mother to son: You shouldn't laugh; you've got dog socks on.

–R Train

Overheard by: Puck


Wednesday #2-Liners

Woman on cell: It was just the complete lack of compassion. Lucy was never nice to Lisa. She was never nice to Lola either. She was just a poop–well, she is a poop.

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Woman on cell: Aw, yay, he pooped a lot!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alannah Halliday

Guy to another, talking business: I would definitely punt that dude's fucking dog and then make him eat its shit.

–Greenpoint

Guy on phone: Hold on, I'm picking up poop.

–9th St, Brooklyn