Archive for 2012

“NAACKKKP” Just Doesn't Have the Same Ring to It.

Young black man: Yo! Youse a racist! Watchu a racist?
Middle aged white man: Yeah, I'm racist. I'm so racist the KKK will start a scholarship fund in partnership of the NAACP by the time im through with you.

–N Train

Overheard by: Sen H.


A Page from My Big Book Of Reasons I Don't Talk to My Kids

Very young boy to very pregnant mom: How is baby sister going to come out of your belly?
Very pregnant mom: Mommy will go into the hospital and a nice doctor will open mommy up and take her out.
Very young boy: Oh. So how was the first doctor born?

–Shurbert Alley

Overheard by: Brooke Allen


You Always Were a Philosopher, Ed.

Construction worker #1, barely missing train: Aw, if we had moved faster, we wouldn't have missed it!
Construction worker #2: Yeah, well, if I drank a fifth of liquor, I'd be drunk.

–8th St

Overheard by: Special K


The Kid's Five, and Mom's Bad at Math

Kid: Mommy, when am I going to turn nine?
Mother: Honey, don't be silly… If you don't know that, then I'm sending you back to public school.

–Fairway Market, Brooklyn


This Is Their Foreplay

Eating disorder girl: I so totally ate a bread bowl tonight.
Eating disorder girl's boyfriend: You ate a waffle bowl, with no ice cream, it cost 69 cents, I could've fed a small African child for a week with that shit.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dr. H


…But I Fellated Him for Me.

Girl, exiting restaurant with mixed group: Did you guys tell the bartender I love him?
Guy: I kissed him for you.

–Williamsburg


Actually… (Not Safe for Work)

Girl #1: Where's my fucking pen?
Girl #2: You have a pen for fucking?

–Bard High School Queens


Mr. Tyson Seems to Have Crossed the Road

Chick #1: Guess who else is a vegan? Mike Tyson!
Chick #2: The wrestler? But he has his own chicken company!
Chick #1: Yeah, but they're not his chickens.

–Delancey & Orchard

Overheard by: Chad Elwell