Archive for 2012

…Wanna See My Aslan?

Girl #1 to overly friendly boy: You can't sit here.
Girl #2: Yeah, we're too cool for you to sit with us.
Girl #3: We're so cool we know where Narnia is.
Boy: I know where Narnia is!
Girls, in unison: Where?
Boy: In my pants.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny


Your Editors Suddenly Feel Old

Teenaged boy #1: Man, remember the w train?
Teenaged boy #2: The w was the best!
Teenaged boy #1: We're going to be able to tell our kids, we were born when the w train was still running. Going somewhere? Just hop on the w!

–N Train to Astoria

Overheard by: Kate


Kung Fu Groundhog Seems a Bit Uninspired

Large woman with chirpy voice: Who was it that got bitten by Staten Island Chuck…? Oh, yeah, it was mayor Bloomberg!
Tall black guy: Gosh, I mean, he should've realized they're basically like giant rats, with large teeth and huge claws.
Large woman with chirpy voice: And he's a fan of the Wu Tang! (giggles)
Tall black guy: Damn right! They should just call him “Shaolin Chuck”, but “ol' dirty groundhog” would be even better! I mean, anything that lives in the ground is dirty by default…

–Chelsea


Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?

Girl #1: Would you rather have diabetes or whatever that disease is that Stephen Hawking has?
Girl #2: Well, I don't want either!
Girl #1: But if you had to choose…
Girl #2: Diabetes, I guess.
Girl #1: Me too.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Harris


That's a Tic, Genius

Young woman, looking seductively at male companion: (winks)
Male companion: That's the most lame ass wink I've ever seen! I mean, geesh! I've seen a better wink on Wink Martindale!

–West Village


You Fucking Heard It Here Fucking First

Guy #1: Who buys biscuits? When I open my restaurant, we're making that shit in house.
Guy #2: For real!
Guy #1: It don't take no fucking genius to make no fucking biscuits.

–F Train


The Girl Threw Up

Teen guy #1, handing cell phone to his friends: Yo, there's a video of me on YouTube throwing up!
Teen guy #2: Was that the night I got the hickey?
Teen guy #3: No, dude, that was a different night.

–Q55 Bus, Ridgewood

Overheard by: sohopixie


Translation: Forget You and Your Drunk Ass

20-something girl: I had to ask the question, 'could I be with someone who has two dirty martinis and three glasses of wine on a Tuesday evening?' (long pause).
Friend: I think I need to go out with someone older.
20-something girl: Well, they've got to be out there… I wonder if they're any books on this – I mean, you could go online…
Friend: I should put you in contact with my friend, he's a sweetie. He'd be a great mentor… I mean, he cries a lot, but he's a sweetie.

–Park Bench, W12th & 8th

Overheard by: Corey Birtles


Dog: Ask My Probation Officer, Here

Older vet in camo jacket, walking little white dog, to cop: Whad'ya doin, meditatin' ?
Cop, leaning on wall, opening eyes: Oh, um I just got off-a lunch. (pointing at dog) What's your excuse?

–26th & 7th

Overheard by: rick