Archive for 2012

So, Like, a Soul Train?

Black woman #1, looking over abandoned trolleys: I can't figure if dis a bus or a train?
Black woman #2: It's a train.
Black woman #1: What kind of a train?
Black woman #2
: A nigga train.

–Red Hook

Overheard by: Xander

…And Mine's Huge and Pink!

Little girls: (open umbrellas)
Mother: Close them now!
Little girl #1 to little girl #2: You're stupid…
Little girl #2: Mine's bigger and pink.
Mother, pointing at daughters: I said… close them now. If you don't, I will throw them away and you will get wet next time it rains. Your dresses and hair will get wet and I'll cut your hair out and throw your dresses away!
Little girls: (close their umbrellas and hang their heads in shame)

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Michael Bastianelli

“Will Wednesday One-Liner for Food”

Group of 16-year-olds enthusiastically: Let's go find a hobo!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Sarah

Queen, wearing midriff-bearing jacket: It's so cold… If I was homeless, I'd live in Hawaii!

–51st St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Left the Left Coast

20-something girl to others: Seriously, you guys, I will never date a homeless guy again. I mean… I have standards.

–91st & 3rd

Overheard by: Sophia

Casually dressed black man, yelling out to white couple: I've got a car, I've got an apartment! I'm not homeless! (to himself) White people are crazy.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Fecal Matter.

20 something year old guy: If you eat souls… what do you, like, poo out then?

–Oceans 8, Brooklyn

Guy on subway, to himself: Have you ever been in the park when you just gotta shit so bad you cut your drawers off with a knife?

–72nd & Broadway

Young woman to friends, about running marathon: I was barfing on myself and shitting myself! I was crapping my pants!

–G Train

Overheard by: Grace Bello

20-something girl to friend: Ugh, leave it to a Smith girl to clog the toilet and do nothing about it.

–Park Slope

Rodney Dangerfield: “I Don't Get No Wednesday One-Liner.”

20-something hot girl on cell: Every time you disrespect me I'm coming over to your motherfucking house and you are going to make me french toast with fucking maple syrup!

–Varick & Houston

Overheard by: Ian Driscoll

Ghetto fab girl to another: You can't fuckin' respect a fuckin' girl that don't even respect her own fuckin' mother! She can't even fuckin' read!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: she needs jesus

Crazy man flailing arms and screaming: I don't need you respect. I don't your respect. (chases small asian man into a restaurant) I don't your respect.

–29th & 7th

Overheard by: i was little frightened myself

Black dude to black teenager outside T-Mobile store: Yo! (hand clap), yo (hand clap), yo (hand clap), no disrespect, but suck my dick!

–Fulton Mall & Flatbush Ave

Overheard by: Thurman

Cotton-Picking Wednesday One-Liners

Suit to another: The legalization of marijuana is like giving slaves the right to vote.

–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria

JAP to another: So they have like real slaves?

–3rd Ave & 52nd St

Enlightened guy to friend: You don't know Roots? The slave… show?

–Metropolitan Ave

Overheard by: Chris K.

African American student: I've been worrying about slavery since I was two.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Julie

Saturday Morning One-Liners

20-something guy to another: You know how I love vodka? That's how much my mom loves Disney.

–AMC Theater

Overheard by: Anabelle

Kid to mother, watching parade balloon being inflated: Is Snoopy a good guy or a bad guy?

–W 77th St & Central Park West

Enraged sassy lady, after screaming fit: Whatchu' lookin at, mothafucka? With yo stupid-ass hat. You look like Aladdin's brother!


Overheard by: blitz

Teen girl to mother: But I never really watch hentai. I have a few friends who watch hentai and it's just gross.

–Disney Store, Times Square

Overheard by: Paul

Excited woman: I love Betty Boop underwear! I never knew that about myself!

–5th Ave & 23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Workaday One-Liners

Restaurant owner on phone: Oh, and one more thing: I just fired your girlfriend…

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Young man on cell: What? Why are you working late again? You're gonna quit anyway. Haven't you read Marx? They are making money from your labor! Ok, ok. Meet me at Balthazar in twenty minutes.

–14th & Broadway

Dude: He told me I wasn't gonna make overtime, and I was like, "bro!"

–Long Island City

Old guy to confused friend: Linkedin? That's for professional, uh… canoodling.

–6 Train

Flight Of the Wednesday One-Liners

Pilot: Everyone, we're fifteen minutes early… Please remember that next time we're late.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Afrocurl

Flight attendant on red eye: Please keep the center aisle clear of strollers, luggage, arms, feet, and heads.


Flight attendant to passengers: Welcome to delta flight 1447 to Atlanta… If you are not going to Atlanta… Well, you are now!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: JEgan

Female on intercom: Attention, everyone in the terminal. (long pause) Never mind.

–Delta Terminal, LaGuardia Airport

Wednesday One-Liners Wear White After Labor Day

Compassionate teen girl: Don't hate. She may have a lot of grammar errors, but you make a lot of fashion errors.


Hat salesman, trying to close the deal: Put that on. You don't need no mirror. Why you… Put that mirror down, you don't need no goddamn mirror!

–The Bronx

Overly proud man: Jewelry is both plural and singular.

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Megan

Woman, very emphatically to her companion: I have like forty pairs of socks!

–AMC Loews Theater